


Everybody Has Secrets

by aliceloatheswonderland



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Punisher (TV 2017), Venom (Comics), Venom (Movie 2018)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Abandonment Issues, Anti-Mutant Sentiments (Marvel), Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Child Abandonment, Cuddling, Depression, F/M, First Aid, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Homelessness, Living on the streets, M/M, Mentions of Mutant Cure, Mutant Reader, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Neglect, Racism, Reader is a Vigilante, Secret Identities, Secrets, Slow Burn, Soft Bucky, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempts, Trichotillomania, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, seriously the slowest burn, vigilantes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 37,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22750243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceloatheswonderland/pseuds/aliceloatheswonderland
Summary: When your parents found out you were a mutant they abandoned you to die. You soon found yourself on the streets of New York City surviving the best you could. Meeting some good people, you got a job, earned enough money to go to community college and get a decent job. One thing leads to another and you got a job as the assistant to The Avengers.By day you're a mild mannered office worker. By night you rid the streets of crime and evil.
Relationships: Frank Castle & Reader Friendship, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson, Sam Wilson & Reader Friendship, Steve Rogers & Reader Friendship - Relationship, Wade Wilson & Reader Friendship
Comments: 12
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hooo boy. So I've been working on this for a while, since December. I mix a bit of MCU and Marvel Comics together in this. I'm not sure how this is going to end yet, but It'll be happy and fluffy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really nervous about posting this. It's the 5th fic I will ever have posted and my first multi chapter one.  
> 

If someone asked you what your day job was, have told them you were the assistant to the Avengers. In reality your "main" job was that of a vigilante and you moonlighted as the assistant to the Avengers.

You were a mutant, not that anyone there knew that however. When you were 12 you had discovered you were a mutant and were swiftly dropped off in the middle of nowhere by your parents, abandoned, left to die. These days you can sort of understand your parents fears, their sunshine child could throw buses at 12. 

Fortunately or unfortunately you didn't die out there in the forest they left you. You had discovered early on in the forest that you had an extreme healing factor, you had healed from a bear attack in seconds shocking both you and the bear before punching it and launching it meters away from you.  
After many months learning to live in the wilderness you managed to find your way out of the forest and into a small town.

They didn't seem much too impressed to find a wild child in their little town, though they clothed and fed you and shipped you off to an orphanage in New York. 12 year old you had no interest in being in an orphanage, so you got off the bus and decided to make so on the streets. You really wanted to go home, god you wanted to go home. But your parents didn't want a freak.  
Years went by, you honed your mutant powers, how to control your strength, learned to pickpocket and steal. For all intensive purposes you passed as normal. As the years went on you started needing less and less sleep, you could get 2-3 hours a night and be as well rested as anyone else. You chalked this up to being another mutation of yours.

Once you were 17 you befriended the son of an owner of a expensive restaurant and he got you a job washing dishes. It paid you more money than you ever thought possible from such a job. You got a small shitty apartment in a decent neighborhood with enough money left to save a few hundred a month.  
Night time was a problem for you, only for the fact you didn't really sleep. You weren't needed at work until midday and you finished at 10. It left many hours of time that you had no idea what to do with.  
You started wandering the streets late at night to pass time, as you did you noticed so much crime, people being beaten, robbed, raped, harassed and everything in between. On more than one occasion you had been accosted and you had to defend yourself, you rarely killed anyone that attacked you, but you usually made sure to them hurt real bad. It was after one such night where you stood over the cowering cretins that had made the mistake of trying to force themselves on you that you decided you were going to spend the dark hours of the day to prowl the streets for trouble makers.  
You became known as The "Shadow". Slipping in and out of the darkness and punishing the people taking advantage of good innocent people.

After a few years you had saved a good chunk of money enough to get into community college and study computers, how to be a receptionist, an assistant or even a data entry person. Despite your lack of formal education it turned out you were quite bright and aced your course getting almost perfect grades.  
You still spent your nights prowling for trouble and dispensing your brand of justice where you could. You had a job offer at a law firm as the receptionist and you jumped at it. The pay was almost 4 times what you were getting washing dishes!

Working at the law office was great, over the years you met many interesting people, good and bad. You earned enough money now to live in a nice apartment in a fairly decent area, you even had a cat. You had been able to upgrade your vigilante gear, bullet proof vest (not that you needed it, though getting shot still hurt), sturdy black combat boots that were steel capped, leather pants with straps for all the things you might need and a dark thick jacket with a hood. To top it all off you had a black face mask like one medical professionals wore, but it was thick leather and covered in spikes. You also got some light weight night vision goggles. All in all you looked fucking bad ass.

Around 28 years old and a few promotions later you found yourself as an executive assistant to one of the firms partners. Many of his clients were high profile people, millionaires and billionaires, you'd even met Tony Stark and his Assistant Pepper Pots a many times through the office and following your boss to functions and parties. The mother fucking Iron Man knew you by name, it was crazy. Your boss and you were at a fundraiser that the newly formed Avengers had thrown helping sick orphans in third world countries, it was very admirable. Your boss had given you the night off to enjoy yourself there, mingle, drink and have fun and so you did just that.  
At one point in the night you had found yourself talking to Pepper over some canapes, expressing how as much as you enjoyed the security that came with your job you found it lacking in direction and felt like you were treading water essentially. Once the night was over, a few cocktails and an introduction to THE Captain America it was time for you to head home and go out for your nightly walk as The Shadow Of Justice.

A few weeks later on a Saturday you were sitting at home in your pajamas playing Fallout New Vegas on your computer when you got a call from an unknown number. Turns out it was Pepper Pots asking you to come in to Stark Tower.  
Arriving at the tower you were ushered inside an elevator by a man you recognised as Happy, having met him at your work place and several functions. The two of you made small talk while you rode the elevator many floors up the tower. When the elevator opened you were greeted by the biggest and most lavish office you had seen, Happy led you through to the main office on the floor where Mr Stark was sitting at his desk and at his side Miss Potts was speaking in his ear.  
Happy cleared his throat and the two of them looked up and saw the two of you standing there "Ah Miss y/l/n please take a seat!" Tony implored. "Uh Mr Stark is there a reason you have called me in to your office today? Usually you just call the office to make appointments" you questioned respectfully.

Tony grinned widely "Well Pep here mentioned to me that you are looking for a new direction in your career and I believe we can help you with that! As you know, the Avengers have been formed and it's quite the undertaking you see." He got up from his desk and looked out of one of his many windows for a moment before turning back to you with that trademark smirk you had seen him use on your boss "Long story short we need an assistant/secretary to help keep things running smoothly, take care of the day to day needs of the team and all that jazz". You gave him a questioning glare, looking over to Pepper questioningly, to which she smiled and shrugged. "A-are you offering me a job Mr Stark?" you questioned with a tilt of the head, similar to a confused puppy.

He let out a laugh and clapped his hands together coming to sit in front of you on the front of his desk "That I am Miss y/n, what do you say? Do you want to support the Avengers? The real people, not the heroes who appear in front of cameras and go to press events?".

What the fuck.. what in the actual fuck?! Tony Motherfucking Stark just offered you a job. After a few moments of staring into space like a stunned mullet you collected yourself "Say I am interested in the job, I already have a job. It wont be cheap for me to break my contract and I'm not entirely sure my boss is going to be happy about the idea of me walking out". Tony waved dismissvley "leave that to me, your boss is an old friend of mine and owes me a few favors"

"Tell you what. I'll give you a week to think about it and then you meet us back here a week from now and let me know your decision. Pepper will take care of the details and see you out" He winked at you before Pepper and you left for her own office she gave you her card with her personal number on it, putting her hand on your shoulder and smiling down at you. "It's going to be fine y/n, I know its a shock. Give it some thought and we'll see you in a week"

You laid on your bed when you got home, petting your cat for comfort. Could you take the job? Your nightly activity as a vigilante could very well be discovered, what would they do if they found out you were a mutant and what you could do? Would they make you join? What did they already know about you? They must have done some sort of background check, right? Were there no questions about your background to ask you? You rolled on your side and grabbed your over stuffed pillow that you sometimes held and night and hugged it tightly. This was so confusing, on one hand you wanted to do more good for the downtrodden, help the in the fight against the evils of our world but.. you didn't want to give up your night "job" nor did you want your secret identity out in the open.

You didn't roam the streets that night nor the night after, you spent a lot of time in deep thought considering your options. By Wednesday you had made up your mind, you were going to take the job, you were just going to have to be super careful and revamp your disguise. You couldn't give up being a vigilante, people relied on you. By the time Friday had rolled around you had removed your important personal possessions from your desk so that you didn't have to come back here, you weren't sure you would be welcome back here to get your belongings.

The next day you stood in front of Stark Tower, greeted by Pepper herself. She led you to the elevator and the two of you took it up to Mr Stark's floor you started to get nervous. Was this a good idea, could you pull off this double life under the nose of some of the worlds greatest heroes and reformed spies?  
The two of you exited the elevator to Mr Stark's floor and went into his office. Pepper motioned you to the seat you had sat in last time. "Well you're here so that must be a good thing, you're going to join the team?" Tony questioned.  
"I have a few questions first, Mr Stark. If that is okay by you" you said trying to keep confidence in your voice, you were nervous as all hell. "Of course y/n! Hit me with them questions" Tony replied animatedly.

"Well sir, I'm just honestly wondering how much you know about me and my history and if you know of my history and how I came to this city. Why would you give such an unknown quantity such and important job with access to such important people"  
Tony looked at you quizzically before replying "Well that's a good question and there are actually a few questions I would like to ask you, I was going to ask when you had settled in a bit but now seems like as good of a time as any" He turned to Pepper and asked her to get us some coffee, though you think that was an excuse to get the two of you alone.  
Tony sat back in his chair and regarded you curiously "Where are your parents? From what SHIELD could find a young filthy child, barely the age of 12 walked out of a dense and rather dangerous forest without a scratch on her into a small town"

You sighed loudly, shifting in your seat uncomfortably, half truths would be okay wouldn't they? "Honestly, Mr Stark I don't know where they are. I remember them telling me we were going on a trip. I must have fallen asleep on the trip there because the next thing I know im waking up alone in the middle of a dense forest. I think they abandoned me there. I wandered for i don't know how long until I found a road and followed it, it lead to the town" Reliving this was not doing wonders for your anxiety, you could feel your heart starting to race.  
"You were sent to an orphanage here in the city, but you never arrived why?" he asked looking at you almost fondly.

"I was scared I guess, I didn't really trust anyone at that point. So I ran.. I lived on the street for a number of years, stealing and begging to survive. There were several of us homeless and alone children that stuck together keeping each other safe" You couldn't really look at him, you felt shame and sadness "Until they died. Sophie and Gerard died one particularly hard winter. Exposure. Kyle got caught stealing by some gangsters and was killed and Jesse just didn't wake up one day"

By not your chest was aching from trying to not cry. God you hadn't thought about all this for years, why did you have to ask him to question you?  
"So, you lived on the streets until you were 18 and got a social security number and a job? How did you manage that?" Tony handed you a box of tissues, it was obvious you were going to cry any moment.  
You laughed bitterly and blew your nose, that had started snotting up, god you were such an ugly crier. "I used to dumpster dive and I met a guy about my age and we struck up a friendship I guess. Jeremy, He would bring me food and warm clothes. His father owned several restaurants in the city and he got me a job washing dishes, his father Alistair took a shine to me and helped pull some strings with people he knew to get me one. From there out I worked hard and as much as I could, got a shitty apartment, saved money and went to community college and studied to be a receptionist, I figured it was something I could do. And that leads us up to now I guess. Both Alistair and Jeremy died in the battle of New York, I miss them a lot" The tears were falling freely once you finished talking. You hadn't even told the whole truth and it was so draining, remembering your friends and your parents was hard. You were too absorbed in your misery to see the pain cross Tony's face at the last part of your statement.

At that moment Pepper walked in with three cups of coffee and saw you crying "TONY! what did you do, why is she crying!?"  
Before Tony could speak up you interrupted "It's okay Miss Potts, I just relived some moments I hadn't thought of for a very long time. I'm fine. And if the Avengers will have me, I'd love to work for them"  
Tony grinned from ear to ear "Excellent! I knew you would. Lets get you freshened up and I'll introduce you to the team, huh? There's a bathroom down the hall to your left, go fix your makeup and hair. You have snot on your face" He grimaced and Pepper slapped him on the arm lightly and told him off for being insensitive.

Once you had freshened up you returned to Tony's office and plastered on your best "everything is fine" face. "I'm ready when you are, Mr Stark". immediately he took you to a different elevator than the one you came up in, you were nervous as all hell to be honest and it was obvious, you were wringing your hands and looking at the floor. A hand on your shoulder startled you out of your panic "it's going to be alright kid, you'll love it here"  
"I hope so" you muttered but he just grinned at you.

The elevator opened and he lead you out into what seemed to be a large lounge room with an attached kitchen, standing and sitting in there were the other Avengers.  
"Everybody! This is the woman I was telling you about, Miss y/n y/l/n. She's going to be taking the job of assistant to the Avengers" Tony told the room. You waved shyly at everyone, jesus what had you got yourself into.  
"You mean the girl you poached from that law office, Stark?" Natasha retorted smugly as she looked you up and down apprasingly. Steve was the first to come forward, offering you his hand to shake "Welcome to the team, y/n" he gave you the brightest smile you have ever seen. "Thank you Captain Rogers" you nodded your head and shook his hand firmly. He blushed slightly "Please, call me Steve"  
You smirked, pulling your hand away and reaffirmed "Captain Rogers", he seemed to take the joke well and shook his head while me smiled.  
Bruce shyly introduced himself, keeping his hands in his pockets. Clint gave you a nod of the head and giving his name. Thor came over and pulled you into a strong hug boldly welcoming you and calling you "Lady y/n". Last of all Natasha stepped forward, staring you down to which you promptly stared back. This caused her to chuckle "Looking forward to working with you y/l/n" before slinking out of the room.  
Tony turned to you "One last introduction, JARVIS our AI, he will be here to assist you if you need it. So you think you can start on Monday?"  
You let out a bark of a laugh "Yeah Mr Stark, send me the details and I'll be here with bells on"


	2. Chapter 2

4 years had passed since you started working as the assistant to the Avengers, boy had it been a ride. The learning curve and the workload took a fair bit of getting used to, if not for the fact that you don't need to really sleep you would have probably burned out after the first two years.  
First there had been Ultron, that.. was something you'd rather not repeat. But from that JARVIS had become The Vision and Wanda had joined the team. But then there had been the breakdown of the team over the Sokovia Accords. That.. was a tense time indeed. But both sides seemed to have come back together and worked it out, the accords thrown aside. Everyone was back in the tower again, and you were happy to be honest. They had all become something of your family, having them splintered and fractured broke your heart.

Steve had informed you that he would be bringing his old friend Bucky Barnes back from Wakanda in the next month and you had begun to prepare for that. Steve was currently sitting with you in your office and the two of you were going over things Bucky would need, things he wanted, security protocols and what to roughly expect from his old friend.  
During a slight lull in the topic you decided to ask Steve about his lady love "So Steeeven, how's things going with Sharon? Been on any new dates?" you grinned wildly when you saw the blush tinge on his cheeks, god it was cute. It was like bullying a little brother, or what you assumed it would be like to bully one.  
"Things are going really well, y/n. We're taking things slow but I really like her" Now he blushed even brighter and you smiled happily, your heart swelling with love for this sweet man. "I'm really glad to hear it. It's been a rough time for you the last few years, It makes me happy to see you glowing like this, my friend. Really" Steve then blinds you with that mega watt smile of his "Thanks, Doll. What about you? Anybody on the romance scene with you?"

You snorted and laughed sardonically "The only man that's been in my bed since even before I worked here is my cat. Honestly Steve I've never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. I mean I've been with people intimately but, its never been more than a one night thing. I don't think I'm capable of attracting someone who wants more than to sleep with me" You frowned, realising you had made yourself sad and started to tear up a little. Steve stepped around your desk and pulled you into a hug and a kiss on the head "You will find someone, y/n. The right person will come along and sweep you off your feet I promise"  
"Maybe" you sighed "For now lets go over the list of things I need to sort out for Mr Barnes, yeah?"

It was the week before the fabled Bucky Barnes was set to arrive, Steve had gotten you his clothing and shoe sizes, to which you had used to fill the draws and closet in his room with basic clothing. 10 pairs of socks in basic colours black, grey and white, 7 t-shirts in dark blue, dark red, black, white and grey, 7 tracksuits in the same colours with matching tops and bottoms, 3 pairs of jeans, 10 pairs of boxer briefs, a black waterproof coat, two pairs of sneakers, black and white, a scarf with matching beanie and gloves.  
You didn't know exactly what he had in the way of belongings so you wanted to put together some basic every day wear, things he could work around and build on.  
A king sized bed was put in his room, you had the walls painted a dark blue and light grey, having the bed spread and pillows to match. You settled on colours that wouldn't be too jarring, white is sterile, grey on its own is dull.  
In his personal bathroom you had put in unscented and unopened toiletries. You chose blue and black for the bath mat, towels and face cloths.  
Standing back and looking at your work, marking things off the list, you had most of the physical things he would need, you had a record player and some old vinyls coming later in the day you were going to set up too. You had gotten two low maintenance fern plants for around the room, to add some life. You had managed to get some copies of photos of Bucky, Steve to put up on the wall. You had even been able to sniff out a very old and weathered photo of Bucky and his family. You had it restored and framed to put on the top of his dresser table.

Steve walked into the room and gasped seeing all the work you had put in "Wow y/n you out did yourself this time" he walked around the room taking stock of the photos on the wall then stopping at the one of Bucky and his family, he looked at you with tears in his eyes "how did you find this? I haven't seen a picture of them together for so long"  
You blushed under his gaze and praise "I wanted him to feel welcome and like this could be his home, I did some digging with local historians and found that picture of him and his family, it was in bad condition, so i had it restored".

Steve walks over to you and puts his hands on your shoulders, smiling down fondly at you "Y/n you have no idea how much this means to me, I'm sure he's going to appreciate it too. If he doesn't I'll punch him" He laughed as he pulled you into a hug.  
"So you are going to Wakanda tomorrow to get him, right? I've got a therapist who works with ptsd and war vets put aside if he ever needs it, theres no pressure and no need to mention it really unless he wants it. They are flexible to go with anything he needs" pulling away as you looked back at your notes "I also got some basic clothing for him based on the sizing you gave me, though it might be best that you didn't tell him i put the underwear in his drawers, it might make him uncomfy".

You gazed back up at Steve and he was smiling that god damned giga watt smile again "Yeah, I'm heading to Wakanda tomorrow morning, going to spend a few days there before we come back". Nodding you noted it down and grinned "Well Mr Rogers, when the two of you get back, come find me and i will have a care package for him, with his new smartphone and other helpful information. It'll also be good for me to greet him before the rest of the rabble get him to him" You winked at him and left for your office. Before you got far, you turned back "Hey Steve, does he have a favourte kind of cake? I'll make him one to welcome him" Steve pondered for a moment "It used to be chocolate, so that'd be a good start. And really who can resist your baking?".

That night while you were out patrolling you didn't find much, a couple of kids trying to break into a car and a guy stalking a woman home. You dealt with the former easily enough, scaring the kids off. The latter however, even after you roughed the stalker up a bit he was determined to track down the woman. He was clearly mentally unwell, kept mumbling about her being is true love. It was concerning enough for you to call on an old friend Daredevil, you kept your foot planted firmly against the creep's back using enough strength to hold him down so he couldn't run but not enough to injure him.   
The phone rang and your friend answered "Hey Red its your friendly neighborhood Shadow here, I need your advice real quick, you got a few min to chat?" He confirmed he did. You told him of the man and how you were unsure what to do because he clearly was going to be a continued danger to the woman. He advised you to tie him up and leave him safely for him to come deal with saying it was probably better that way as he had connections that would be able to get the man the mental help he needed.

You stood in the shadows waiting for Daredevil to arrive, thinking about work, wondering if Bucky would like his room and the small touches you put into it. "I didn't expect you to wait around" came a voice from the darkness, out stepped Daredevil. "Good to see you Red, I didn't want the guy to some how escape. I think he's a danger to himself and people around him, so I waited." Daredevil hummed and looked over the guy "Did you hurt him before or after you realised he was unstable?". You scoffed, clearly insulted "Come on, you know I wouldn't beat on a mentally unwell person. Jeeze, I'm a lot of things, Red but not a monster" He sighed and looked back at you "Sorry, I just know you are more.. forceful than I sometimes and have little faith in the justice system. But I'll take care of him now, Don't worry about it."  
Huffing you stood from the wall you were leaning against "I owe you one, Red. Really, call me if you need a favor, yeah?" With that you ran off into the darkened streets and headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

Today was the day Steve brought Bucky back to the tower, you were kind of freaking out. You spent the night baking a beautiful chocolate cake, ate enough icing to feel sick afterward but, it was worth it, you loved chocolate.  
You arrived at the tower a little early and started on your work, Steve and Bucky were supposed to be coming in about 11, so you had some work to do.

You were dealing with a rather annoying rich old bat on the phone who demanded that Steve and some of the other Avengers come to her dinner party to impress her friends and she was being quite a pain, so much so you didn't see Bucky and Steve standing at your office door. "With all due respect ma'am, Captain Rogers is not some show pony that will prance around in front of your high society friends to gain you notoriety, in fact none of the Avengers are. If you want someone famous at your party to bolster your standing among your friends I suggest you find someone from Hollywood. I'm certain someone will take the paltry amount of money you are offering" The woman gasped "Well I never!" to which you rolled your eyes "Well now you have. Good day ma'am" and you hung up.

You heard a clearing of a throat and looked up to see Bucky and Steve standing there, Both with varying degrees of grins on their faces. "Oh hey! I didn't see you guys there" standing up too fast and smacking your knee on your desk swearing under your breath.  
Smiling brightly you walked over to the two "Welcome to the Tower, Mr Barnes. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm y/n y/l/n but, you probably already knew that" Reaching out to shake his human hand. He had a firm grip and his hand was very warm "Nice to meet you Miss y/l/n" God if you thought Steve's smile was blinding, his was even worse. "Please come in and take a seat" you smiled taking a seat behind your desk. Steve piped up "Sounds like you were defending my honor again y/n, keeping me safe from the world's socialites" you snorted and leveled a glare at him "Well someone has to Steve, god knows you would just about say yes to any and all little old ladies, even if they just wanted you to make them look cool" Bucky laughed out loud at that "Sounds like Stevie alright". Steve blushed at that and mumbled a "come on guys" under his breath.

You spent the next 20-30 min going over things with Bucky while Steve sat quietly in the chair next to him. It was nice to see that Steve wasn't babying his friend, not that you didn't doubt there were things Bucky needed care and help with. The times you met Bucky's eyes left you blushing, knowing that if you weren't wearing full coverage foundation that you would have been a tomato.

You had given Bucky a smartphone with your number, Steve's number, the number directly to FRIDAY, Sam's Number, Uber and several take away delivery places in case he didn't feel like joining anyone in the kitchen for a meal. You also gave him a key to his personal office, that you told him he didn't have to use but that it was there if he wanted it, you also gave him passwords to various things around the tower that he may need and also reminding him that you left early on Friday's but can come back if he needs you to. They were about to leave before you remembered that you had made a cake for him "Wait! I have something else for you before you go" You called after them, going into the mini fridge you have in your office for your lunch and pulling out a cake sized tupperware container. "Steve said you liked chocolate cake, so I made you one as a personal welcome to the tower" you beamed up at him and he blushed, looking a little flustered "Thank you, y/n. I'm sure I'm going to love it" Bucky looked down at his full hands and you laughed, handing the cake to Steve. "Make sure Sam doesn't eat it all, cause he will try. Well I'd better get back to work, it's busy work looking after super heroes like yourselves" with a wink and a wave you returned to your desk and started typing away. Honestly you were trying to calm yourself down, he was so much more handsome in person than in pictures. That smile and those eyes would be the death of you, did they really have to make men so handsome back in the 30's what the fuck. You missed the big grin on Steve's face, the blush that dusted Bucky's face and the shy smile that graced his lips as he looked back at you.

Bucky was a bit stunned, meeting y/n was a bit of a whirlwind and a little bit overwhelming if he was honest. Hearing her defend Steve and the others on the phone had been a treat, would she fight for him like that too?  
"So what did you think of y/n? She has been excited to meet you for a while" Steve asked him. "She seems like a sweetheart, she must have put a lot of work into all this stuff". Chuckling Steve grinned "Oh Buck you have no idea, just wait until you see your room. She put some personal touches there to make it more homey for you".

They made their way to his new room, Bucky was a bit nervous about what he was going to find there, he knew his bags had been brought to his room while they were meeting y/n. Putting the pin code in his door key pad the door to his room opened up and he walked in with Steve waiting in the doorway while his friend took stock of his new room. The walls were painted calm colours, there were photos of him and Steve on the walls, a record player.. with vinyls of some of his favourite music. Casting a glance around the room he noticed the photo frame on the dressing table, walking towards it he saw what it was of, him and his family. His ma, pa, sister and him when they were kids. "I-is that what it looks like Steve?" he turned to his friend who was regarding him fondly "Yeah Buck it is. Y/n tracked it down and had it restored to look like new for you. She hoped you would like it".

Bucky grazed his finger over the photo, seeing his family was overwhelming, this whole day was overwhelming. He sat on the bed with his head in his hands. He felt hands on his shoulders, looking up at Steve with tears in his eyes "This was too much all at once wasn't it? I'm sorry, we should have waited a few days to introduce you to her". Bucky sniffed and wiped his tears on his shirt "No, no its okay Stevie. How could she do all this for someone she doesn't even know? How did she even find that picture of my family? I'm honestly overwhelmed at this kindness".  
Steve sat on the ground in front of Bucky and smiled softly at him "That's what she does, she takes care of us. Sure she gets paid but she goes above and beyond what she's expected to do. She's a special kind of person Buck and we're lucky to have her. Don't worry too much, I'll have a word with her and ask her to give you some space, ok bud?".  
Bucky let out a shuddering breath and smiled a small smile at his friend "Yeah okay, thanks Stevie. How about we try some of that cake though?"

The two of them sat together at a small table in the corner of his room and enjoyed the cake together, saving half of it for later. Steve left a while later said he had a few things he had to do and that they would try out one of the food deliver places y/n had put in his phone.

It was after 6 and Steve still hadn't came and got him for dinner so Bucky went looking for him, he was about to turn around the corner to the offices when he heard Steve talking to someone, listening more he recognised y/n's voice.  
"I went overboard didn't I Steve? I'm fucking sorry. I didn't want to freak him out, I was excited and I wanted to make him feel welcome, ahhh man" He could hear the shame in her voice, he wanted to tell her it was okay but he wanted to listen too. He heard Steve chuckle "It's alright y/n/n. You did great, he's been through a lot of harsh treatment and all the kindness was overwhelming for him. I know he appreciates it and he loved your cake too"  
You laughed and sniffled "I'm glad he liked it. Really I am. I'll make sure to give him a bit of space for a few days and make sure I'm not so.. me until he feels comfortable here". What you said after that was a bit muffled but it sounded like "thanks Steve" then the elevator doors opened, closed then Steve started walking his way.

Before he even turned around the corner Steve spoke up "You alright there Buck?" Bucky could hear a smirk in his voice before he saw him. "Yeah punk, I'm fine. You were late so I came looking for you" Bucky rubbed the back of his neck embarrassed for being caught eavesdropping "Was she crying? I didn't want to upset her". Steve put his arm around his friend's shoulder as they walked towards the stairs that lead to their floor "It's fine Buck, she's fine. She had a bit of a panic attack when I told her you were overwhelmed. It's not your fault or hers, she has problems with anxiety and depression sometimes. She usually deals with it pretty well, or at least pretends to. It's hard to tell sometimes" Steve sighed "What I'm trying to say is you're not the only one here who has been broken or has problems. It's okay to feel what you feel, nobody is going to judge you for it, bud".  
After the talk Bucky felt a bit better about it all, They ended up ordering pizza, watching a few old movies then they fell asleep next to each other like they used to when they were kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have about another 12 chapters written for this and will post them as I edit them. I haven't got an end yet but i'm hoping editing all these will help me decide. Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

It had been three days since you saw or spoke to Bucky, you'd had lunch with Steve and talked about an upcoming charity event next month that he and Same were going to attend.  
It was to raise money for Veterans who came home from war with no jobs, no homes, nothing. It was an apt charity for the both of them to attend. You were going to have to attend with them of course, you were basically their guard dog at these sorts of social situations.  
As much as they held this cause dear, the events could get overwhelming and people would smother them with more attention than they could handle. So you made sure you were there as their assistant and friend.

You were taking your lunch at your desk, looking at memes on your computer when you heard a knock on your door. Looking up from your lunch you saw Bucky standing awkwardly at your door with the tupperware container the cake you made was in.

"Mr Barnes its good to see you, please come in" You stood from your desk and gestured him in. "I came to bring your container back, thanks for the cake it was really good" He all but thrusted the container at you "uh you can call me Bucky if you want" he muttered staring back into your office.  
You smiled "I'm really glad you liked it. Would you mind if I called you James instead? Until we get to know each other better?" Bucky looked shocked for a second then smiled back at you "Yeah that'd be good too. Well I should probably let you get back to your lunch" as he went to leave.  
"Hey wait a second, James. I just want to apologise for coming on too strong the other day. I didn't mean to be so invasive, I feel bad about it"  
Bucky shrugged his shoulders and smiled a cooked smile at you "It's alright, Doll. It wasn't really you, seeing that picture of my family and I threw me for a loop if I'm honest" He looked down at you "But, thank you for making that effort. I will cherish it. Thank you"  
Bucky Jogged off in the direction of the elevators, looking back to smile and wave at you before turning around the corner.

A few weeks had passed since that day where you and Bucky cleared the air, you had seen each other in the common kitchen area at lunch time. It wasn't awkward and the two of you exchanged pleasantries. He joined in conversations and laughed at jokes, sometimes he was a bit withdrawn and only offered a tense smile your way but you didn't hold it against him.

You were having lunch in the common kitchen area with Nat and Wanda, like you did when you three were both onsite at the same time and not busy. These lunch times were honestly the best part of your weeks here, sometimes they only happened 2-3 times a month but it was always relaxing and fun. You often felt bad keeping your Vigilante activities a secret from them, you honestly trusted the two of them with your life but you were also scared at the same time.

The three of you were talking about dresses for the charity function you were going to with Sam and Steve in a few weeks. Nat kept suggesting something short and sexy and Wanda something long and elegant.  
"Nat last time I wore a dress you suggested, I couldn't bend over without showing my lunch and dinner to everyone looking" you groaned dramatically.  
Wanda chuckled "that was a short dress indeed. There were several men at that party who had lewd things on their minds about you that night"  
Nat grinned slyly "That's the point y/n! You need to get out there and get laid, I don't think I've seen you with a man the entire time you have worked here" Wanda and you failed to notice Bucky, Sam and Steve enter the room. Nat however hadn't, this would be a good chance to make both you and the fossils flustered, she enjoyed bullying you and Steve especially this way, the blush that covers your face at that moment is adorable.

"Yeah well Natasha" you glared at her, no real heat behind your eyes "I haven't been with anyone man or woman since before I started working here. It's not a big deal!" From behind you came a shocked yell off "Holy shit y/n are you serious! That's over 4 years dude!". It was Sam, of course it was Sam, you turned to him and pointed at him "Oi, Samantha. This isn't a conversation for you boys" You looked at the other men, to see Steve with a blush coating his cheeks and Bucky with a grin on his lips. Ugh this was embarrassing, now they knew, Sam is going to try and set you up with everyone he can, you just knew it.

Sighing you got up from the table "As much fun as it is to talk about my love life or the lack there of I should get back to work" you stopped in front of Steve Leveling a glare at him "Don't forget you have your medical this afternoon Steven, If you miss this one I will come for you myself" you waved at everyone and made your way back to your office.

Nat chuckled watching you scurry away "She made a hasty exit now didn't she?" Steve sighed and put on his Captain America face "That wasn't very nice Nat, you didn't have to embarrass her like that" Nat got up and rinsed both her and your lunch dishes and smiled at Steve "Don't worry Cap she's fine, plus she's cute when shes flustered. God knows it's hard enough to see behind the mask she wears all the time". Wanda and Nat both left the room to go finish the conversation about dresses with you.

Bucky watched them leave and thought about how Nat was right, that you were cute when flustered. Those pink cheeks, how you puffed your cheeks out in annoyance, the adorable scowl you gave Sam.

When you got home that night you were more tired than usual, you couldn't decide if you were going to sleep before your night patrol or after.  
Being that you only need 2-3 hours sleep a night it didn't really matter when, so you decided to sleep after. While you were eating dinner you got a text message from an unknown number "I need your help tonight, meet me at Maggie's Diner at 10". Frank Castle was asking for your help? That was rare, as far as he was concerned since you started working for The Avengers you were too close to "the good guys" and you rarely heard from him unless either of you needed each other.

It was 9:48pm when you stepped into Maggie's, dressed and masked already. Maggie's was a known hang out for people who weren't really welcomed anywhere else. Mutants, Vigilantes, the odd assassin. Everyone knew to keep their head down and not cause trouble, Maggie herself was an old tough woman who likely had her own checkered past. Regardless she welcomed you all in and treated you like normal people.

Frank was sitting at a table in the corner nursing a black coffee, one that had a view of the entire diner, you made your way over and sat yourself next to him. "You needed my help?" you finally spoke, your voice coming through your mask digital and sort of garbled. You had recently acquired a voice scrambler to help keep your identity from being discovered.  
"Yeah, there's and arms shipment being smuggled into town tonight" he grunted out "I'm going to need my guns then?" you asked, tilting your head to the side questioningly. "You didn't bring them I take it?" he grunted out again "No, I don't walk around packing that kind of heat, even on a bad day. Rifle, missile launcher and machine gun, right?" he nodded at your question. Standing and looking down at him you told him to meet you 2 blocks from your apartment.

What a fucking shit show that entire night turned out to be, most of Frank's intel was right except for the part where there were going to be dirty cops involved and serious heavily armed mercs guarding the shipments. You spent most of the main fight being a meat shield for Frank because he was going typical Punisher and disregarding his personal safety, you had no doubt he would have died if it weren't for you there. He still ended up almost critically injured. Almost throwing Frank into the back of the truck with the weapons in, you sped out of there. You parked the truck in a parking garage not far from your apartment. By the time you got Frank out of the back the sun was rising, you didn't have much time. 

Getting Frank into your apartment passed out and still bleeding without being spotted by anyone who would give you both away was fucking hell. You had to drag him up your fire escape and through one of your windows.  
It took you hours to clean his wounds, get what bullets that didn't go straight through. After putting a saline iv drip in one arm and blood iv in the other you checked the time and you were supposed to be at work half an hour ago. You hadn't showered, eaten or anything. Shit, shower and shave. Then you threw on your clothes, no time for makeup and throwing your hair in a messy bun. On your way out you noticed your cat had curled up against Frank's side purring loudly, what a cutie. You sighed and left a note on the kitchen bench for Frank telling him where you went and to lock the door if he was going to leave. As soon as you were on the street you started running, good thing you wear sneakers when you walk to and from work.

Tony walked into the common kitchen looking bothered by something "Have any of you heard from or seen y/n this morning? She's almost an hour and a half late and not answering her phone".  
Bruce looked up from his paper and coffee looking concerned "That's unusual for her, shes usually early" The others started to get concerned hearing that too "We should head to her place and check on her" Wanda said looking worried.

Just as they started standing, getting ready to leave FRIDAY announced you had entered the building "Miss y/l/n has arrived, she appears to be out of breath, street side cameras show she ran here".  
"Send her up here instead of the office floor" Tony said staring at his phone "I want to know why she didn't answer her phone or call in saying she would be late"  
You were leaning against the wall of the elevator trying to catch your breath, you sprinted here as fast as you could all the way from your apartment. Exiting the elevator you saw you had been taken to the kitchen commons, walking into the room you saw the team watching you sprint for your life down a few streets to work. Clearing your throat you got their attention "Sorry I'm late. I didn't sleep so good". You were lying through your teeth, you hoped your thumping heart, sweaty red face hid that from them.

"Why didn't you answer your phone when I called? We were just about to start looking for you" Tony implored, a look of 'oh shit' crossed your face and you started digging through your bag. You'd left it at home, with Frank. Fucking fantastic, the last 12 hours has been a clusterfuck and a half. Sighing loudly you cursed, using enough curses to make Steve blush "Yeah I left it at home it seems. Fucking shit cunt mother fucker"

Looking around the room you noticed everyone taking in your appearance, the fact you were so late and the unusually foul mouth you just displayed. Even Bucky was looking concerned Making your way to the sink you got yourself a big glass of water and drained it twice. "I didn't know you could run so fast" Steve said staring at you like he'd seen something unusual "uhhh I have a home gym? I work out at home?" your heart rate was almost normal again and you decided it was time to make a speedy exit "Well, I'm gonna go get to work now. Sorry for worrying you all, Really. It won't happen again." as you made your way to the elevator.  
They all watched you leave, seemingly content to let it go and get back to their morning. All except Bucky. He would stop by your office later and make an excuse to talk to you.

Days like today you wished you had someone to talk to that knew all your secrets, the burden of your secret life weighs hard on you sometimes and it would be nice to share the load. How would you have explained having a injured Punisher in your spare room? Blood in places, bloodied tools you used to fix him up laying around still. How much longer could you keep this from them all, the people you loved like family?

Fuck fuck fuck. You could feel a panic attack coming, your chest was hurting and you were having trouble breathing. Remember the mantra you learned in therapy "Everything is fine" "Nobody is going to hurt you" "You're not in any danger" "You're safe" "You are okay" You had your head in your hands, mumbling the words to your self.

You failed to notice Bucky standing at your door readying to knock. Bucky regarded you for a few moments, recognising words his own therapist had told him to remember when he was having a panic attack. He knocked on your office door, startling you and making you jump.  
"O-oh hey James. Did you need something?" you wiped your eyes and tried to look as professional as possible. You knew you looked a mess and he would notice, he was already staring a hole into you.  
"Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch? I was going to make sandwiches and noticed you didn't come in with your lunch bag like usual this morning" he smiled that crooked smile you had come to know him for over the weeks he had been here.  
"Food. I could do with some food. I haven't eaten since yesterday" You got up from your desk and moved closer to him "Lead the way good sir"

"These are some good sammiches, James" you declared happily "I needed this, thank you" smiling at the man next to you. "You're welcome, y/n. I'm glad you enjoyed the food" he played with the crust on his plate thinking of the right words to say "Hey, are you okay?" He noticed the far away stare you got in your eyes, knowing the look of someone lost in their head.  
Letting out a shuddering breath you croaked "No I'm not. I'm not okay but, I will be" with a sigh you added "I hope".

Bucky looked at you and realised he was seeing behind the mask the others talked about. Just as quick as he saw the mask go firmly back in place. You stood up from where the two of you were sat and pet him on top of the head "Thanks for Lunch, James. I really needed it" before leaving the room and heading back to your office.  
Bucky wasn't sure how to feel, on one hand he was honored you opened up to him and on the other he was worried about you. How had he come to care for you as much as he had in such a short time?


	5. Chapter 5

It was the evening of the Veteran's fundraiser, Sam and Steve had gotten their fitted suits earlier in the week and you had finally decided on a dress. It was black, tight, came to your knees, had long sleeves and had a cut out back, a built in bra and a slight v showing the tops of your breasts.  
Nothing scandalous, nothing whorey, just nice and simple. You paired it with gold spiked heels, a simple gold chain with a diamond pendant with matching earrings. Your makeup was smokey gold and brown eyeshadow and deep red lipstick. You were finishing up your hair in a simple updo. You weren't here to show up the boys, you were here to support them and help them convince rich people to part with large sums of money.

You looked at yourself in the floor length mirror in Nat's room, you looked quite good. You make your way to the common room where everyone is waiting. As you enter Sam sees you first and whistles "Damn, Y/n. You look real good" you laugh warmly "Thanks Sammy, I tried to look good but not too good as to take attention from you boys" you winked at him.  
Nat came over to you and plucked a stray hair off your shoulder "You know I always forget you are so busty until I see you out of work clothes" she smirked at you and you knew that look to be something troublesome but you ignored it.

Bucky was walking to the common room to see everyone off, he was more than a little curious to see what you were wearing.  
Since the lunch the two of you had those weeks ago he found himself paying more attention to you, he found himself seeking you out more often, for mundane things he could probably do himself. Just to be in your company, in hopes of maybe seeing behind your mask again.  
As he entered the room he choked on his breath seeing you there talking with Nat while she fussed over your outfit. You looked amazing, like a modern day goddess, sexy as all hell. He couldn't help his eyes roaming your body, appreciating your toned legs, thick thighs, the swell of your tight but shapely ass, the unmarred skin of your back and your breasts. Lord have mercy, he had no idea you where you had been hiding them, wow. He was pulled out of his revere when he noticed Nat grinning at him, he walked over to the group and complimented the three of you.

Steve had noticed his friend checking you out, he had noticed Bucky seeking you out more often lately. He was glad for it, that his friend was making a new friend out of you. But seeing the way his friend looked at you it gave him a bit of concern, Steve loved Bucky like a brother but he also loved you like a sister.  
He'd come to care for you deeply over the years you worked with them and he was protective of you. He knew most men only ever wanted one thing from you and that it hurt you every time you came to realise that was all they wanted from you at the time.  
He might have to have a word with Bucky, but he wanted to be sure that he was seeing what he thought he was seeing.

Sam, Steve and you pulled up in a limo outside the swanky hotel the fundraiser was being held at. You always hated this part, there was always so many press and tonight was no different. You picked a bit of fluff off of Sam's suit and sighed "You boys ready to greet the press? Pose for some pictures and look pretty?" Sam chucked at you "lets just get this over with so I can get a drink".

Standing off to the side you watched the boys pose for pictures and talk animatedly with the press, it was obvious to you that they weren't enjoying it all that much. They were used to being elbow deep in bad guys or training at the gym, not this meat market spectacle that is the press.  
Once the three of you got inside, you went to the bar and got them both a drink of their choice. By the time you returned to them there was already a gaggle of pretty ladies fawning over them both, after handing them their drinks you got your phone out and started going over the notes you had made for who was going to be here tonight.  
You knew you wanted to get Steve to talk to the Senator from Texas who had gone to the Vietnam war, he had a lot of influence with a lot of wealthy oil barons. If they could be convinced to part with a small sum of their vast wealth it could go a long way to helping displaced war vets.

The night was going well, you had effortlessly guided the boys through the crowd. Introducing them to important people, bringing them horderves and refills of drinks if they required. They had managed to impress many a person. The widow of a wealthy general was especially taken with Sam and had pledged to donate 2 million, you were beyond pleased. By your calculations, if every person who said they would donate money did it would make 5.8 million dollars.

It was nice to be able to make a difference in the every day men and women out there's lives in a less violent way, it filled you with a lot of pride for your friends too. You started to get lost in your own head, thinking about how if you came out of the shadows and became a day time hero instead of a vigilante. What was more helpful? someone who did what the police and the day time heroes couldn't or wouldn't? Or was it better to join them in the light?

A hand on your shoulder startled you from your revere "Hey y/n are you alright? you looked a little lost there" It was Steve smiling down at you. "Yeah Steve, I'm just bored" he chuckled and looked around the room "How long until we can leave do you think? " Looking at your phone seeing it was 11:03pm "hmm midnight is probably good, that's about an hour from now. How does that sound?"

You must have fallen asleep on the drive home, the next thing you know is you're waking up in Steve's arms in the elevator in the tower. Jolting with a fright you became aware of your position "Shit, did I fall asleep?" Sam chuckled "Yeah and you snored really loud" "She did not, Sam. It was just a quiet snore" Steve added gleefully.

Both men were laughing as the elevator doors opened and they walked into the common room, sitting on one of the couches watching tv was Bucky, you blushed and squirmed "Steve put me downnn". Instead he jostled you around laughing at your indignant squawk.  
Bucky finally noticed the three of you, eyes fixing to you in Steve's arms. Bucky stood abruptly, looking concerned "Did she get hurt?" coming closer to the three of you. Sam and Steve grinned slyly at his concern for you "No she fell asleep on the way back and woke up just now" Bucky visibly relaxed.

Bringing your hand up to Steve's face you poked his cheek "Put me down Steven or I won't make you a grilled cheese sammich" He laughed and lowered you to the ground gently, making sure you were stable on your feet before taking his hands away from your back. "You drive a hard bargain, y/n" You kicked your heels off into the corner, stretching and cracking your back. "You guys want the usual in yours? What about you James, do you want a grilled cheese too?" Bucky looked between you three, rubbing his hand on the back of his head "I don't actually know what that is, Doll". Internally you were screaming, he called you a pet name, holy crap "Uh it's like a hot sandwich with things like ham, onion, tomato or other meats inside with cheese and you cook it in the frying pan". He thought about it for a second nodding "Yes please, I'd love one"

The four of you went to the kitchen and you started making the grilled cheese sandwiches while you all talked about the night. Sharing stories with Bucky about the snooty people, how much money that had been donated and various other entertaining things that happened.  
Once you had finished your own food and cleaned up you checked the time, 2:41am and decided it was time to go home where you could get away with your weird hours of sleep without anyone noticing. "Well boys, it was a lovely night. You guys did well convincing people to part with their money for such a good cause. I'm going to head home now. I've got tomorrow off, so I'll see you guys Thursday". They all looked at you in disbelief and Bucky piped up "Why don't you stay in the guest room on our floor, it's late?" Smiling tiredly "Yeah I could, but I'd rather go home. I'm sure my cat is going to scream at me as soon as I walk in the door" you shrugged, picking up your discarded heels and made your way to your office to get the rest of your things.

You were changing into your sneakers when Bucky knocked on your door "Hey, Y/n how about you let me drive you home? I wouldn't feel comfortable with you going home on your own this late, even in a taxi" he looked a little nervous, shifting on his feet a little. You smiled at him and he felt his heart stutter "Sure thing James, wanna meet me in the common room? You're in you're pajamas".  
He blushed at you and nodded before running for the elevator to get properly dressed. God he's adorable, you just want to hug him. The face he makes when he concentrates on something, the way he's ready and willing to learn new things and the new world. Ah fuck, you'd barely known him 6 weeks and you were already enamored with the man.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes you home. After he leaves and you are both in your own beds the both of you think dirty things about each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short chapter this one. Also a tiny wee bit of smut. Just small.

Bucky didn't keep you waiting for him long. When he saw you with a small suitcase that you had the things you needed to get ready for the charity function tonight, he took it from you with a smile and carried it himself.  
The ride down to the parking garage was a little quiet so you broke the silence "I didn't know you had your own car" smiling that crooked smile you were starting to love he fiddled with his keys "Stevie gave it to me, said I needed a car and that a bike wasn't enough".  
"Well I guess he was right, you wouldn't be able to take me home if you didn't have one" you winked at him and he laughed.

In the car you noticed he had a navigation system, so you typed your address in it before realising you should have asked first "Uhh I probably should have asked before I did that, I just kind of assumed".  
"It's okay, I was going to ask anyway" he smiled.

The drive was quiet, you stared out the window watching for trouble like usual, not that you would be able to do much lest you give away your secret. "So, how come you don't live in the tower like everyone else?" Bucky asked, startling you a little.  
"Hmm.. I like my privacy I guess. It gets a bit crowded and you've probably noticed the others are super nosey. Don't get me wrong, I love you all and I'm here for you guys 24/7. But it's nice to sit around in my underwear and play video games" you shrugged "Plus I hate parties, Nat and Sam would force me to go to all the ones Tony has with them, to be honest, I'd rather eat sand than willingly go to those things. Unless I'm contractually obligated or it's someone's birthday ugh no"  
Bucky laughed "The parties aren't that bad but, I understand how you feel about privacy. It's a bit overwhelming sometimes. I think I'd like my own place away from the tower too some day" you hummed and looked over at him, taking in his concentrating face "That's a good goal to have. Somewhere to call your own"

Pulling up outside your apartment you both got out of the car, you went to take your small suitcase from Bucky but he didn't want seem to want to give it to you. Before you got a chance to ask him about it he looked down at you and asked if he could walk you to your door, getting to your door you put your keys in the door and almost immediately you could hear your cat starting to scream and paw at the door "See, I told you he'd scream. He's very vocal, probably doesn't help that I talk to him like hes a person" you looked up at him and smiled.  
"Thanks, James. You didn't have to go out of your way to bring me home, but I really appreciate it" You put your hands on his forearms, dragging them down slowly until they got to his hands, then gently taking your suitcase from his hands all while smiling softly. You weren't bold enough to go for more physical affection but you hoped your appreciation shone through.

"You're welcome, Doll. I wouldn't have been able to sleep without knowing you had gotten home safely" Bucky reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear gently. "Now head inside and get some rest".  
Turning to your door then looking back at him again you smiled softly "Night James" before opening your door and running in while keeping your cat from running out. Bucky stood there for a few moments listening to you talking to your cat before the conversation between the two of you faded away from the door.

Bucky had a smile on his face the entire drive home and all the way back to his room, he laid on his bed and replayed the night over in his head. Seeing you all dressed up tonight and leaving with his friends, seeing you in Steve's arms, watching you cook for them and eating what you made, taking glances at you while he was driving and then.. the way you touched his arms, so gentle and caring. He felt happy. He wanted to get to know you better but he felt he should talk to Steve about it first.

Rolling onto his back he started to think about you in that dress again, the swell of your breasts. He imagined they would almost spill from his hands if he tried to hold one in each. He imagined the sounds you might make if he stood behind you, snaking his arms around your front and played with your breasts, rubbing and tugging on your nipples while he peppered your neck with kisses.

You were so small compared to him, he would have to sit you in his lap, your back against his chest and a leg on each side of his own so when he spread his knees your legs would spread open for him. He could snake a hand between your legs and run his fingers through your lower lips..

Bucky was painfully hard now. He shouldn't think about you like this, he'd barely known you 6 weeks. Guilt flooded him, jumping out of bed he ran a cold shower got in and started thinking about unsexy things. His grandmother, Steve, His sister, The Howling commandos. Finally his dick went flaccid and he climbed back into bed, rolling onto his stomach and hugging one of his pillows, resigned to talk to Steve about getting to know you better.

On the other side of the city you were also laying in bed awake, thinking about Bucky. How the entire drive over all you could smell was him and how it did things to you. You really wanted to wrap your arms around him and kiss him senseless, get your hands in his pants and touch him, see what sounds he would make.  
How could you even think of him like that, you'd have to be honest with him and the others about your secrets and you weren't ready for that, you wanted to tell them all, you really did but you were scared of what it would mean and what would happen to you.

You still remember when they tried to cure Mutants like you were all some kind of disease.  
How terrified you were that someone would find out what you were and force it on you. Even now the "Cure" was proven to only be temporary and no longer used, it was still a fear in the back of the heads of mutants that it will happen again and this time they will force it on you all.  
Its no secret that humans fear mutants, if you get discovered as one you often lose everything. Your job, your family, where you live, you get totally shunned and outcast.  
You don't want to lose everything and everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting a few more chapters today I think. If I get around to editing and proof reading them in time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A villain is plaguing the streets and Reader meets up with some friends to figure out what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ravencroft is basically the Arkham Asylum of Marvel comics.

Another month had passed since the night Bucky took you home, if you ever worked late he insisted on driving you home. Sometimes he would walk you to your door and other times he wouldn't, either way he never came inside your place even when you asked him to. It was probably a good thing in reality but you couldn't help but want more.

You had been informed that Bucky had been cleared for his first mission, you were so proud of him. He had been working hard proving himself. He went to regular therapy, joined communal meals, went out and did his own errands, did a few hours a week at a soup kitchen not far from the tower, Sam had even convinced him to consider meeting other prisoners of war in a group therapy session.  
He was doing well, sure he had the odd ptsd moment, some social anxiety and depression but he was adjusting better than most people ever thought he would.

You went looking for Bucky, you wanted to see if there was anything he needed for the mission that you could get for him. FRIDAY said he was in the armory so you went there. You stood in the doorway quietly and spotted him. He was looking through the weapon racks, feeling the weights of them, seeing what felt good in his hands. The weapons he would choose would need to be calibrated for him personally but that never took very long in the tower.

You cleared your breath and spoke "Hey James, FRIDAY told me I would find you here. Found any weapons that take your fancy?".  
Startled he turned around to you "O-oh y/n you gave me a fright. I was lost in thought about guns" He chuckled, picking up a sniper rifle and turning it around in his hands "I've always been partial to a sniper weapon but this mission is going to be more of an up close sort of thing".

You walked over to the small machine gun rack, picking one up and looking down the reflex sights humming "I've always liked smg personally, not that I've ever had any chance to use one outside of using them in the range here. But I do like them in video games too, not that that's.. really relevant"  
Bucky regarded you for a moment a little shocked that you knew how to hold a gun that and had even practiced in the range with one. You noticed his shocked expression and tilted your head to the side with a grin "What? Do you think these guys would let me work in the tower and not teach me how to use a variety of weapons?" you put the smg back on the rack and continued along the wall "though I'm better with a knife but, that's more because I spent my teenage years homeless and living on New York streets. Sometimes you gotta get in a knife fight in self defense" making stabbing actions with your hand.

You looked back at him and he was standing there gaping like a stunned mullet and you started to panic. "Uh sorry.. I kinda went on a tangent there. Um, I actually came to ask you if there were any things you needed for the mission, I usually like to make sure everyone has everything they may or may not need for several outcomes. I mean.. It's not in my job description but I like to take care of you guys"  
God he was still just staring at you still, not even talking what the fuck, did I break him again? "Well uh, if there's anything you think you need or just want, send me a text or an email and I'll make sure you have what you need before the mission" then you all but ran out of the room.

Bucky was stunned into silence seeing the way you cradled the smg like a mother would their child, like it belonged in your hands. He would love to see you use one, it was honestly pretty hot. When you said you were better with knives it made him kind of happy, he wanted to see you in action, but hearing that you grew up on the cold streets of New York and used to have to fight to protect yourself broke his heart. Lost in his thoughts he barely managed to hear you ask him if he needed anything for the mission that you could get him, did you say for him to text you what he needs? Before he could ask you to repeat yourself you had all but run out of the room.

"FRIDAY could you please replay what y/n just said to me now?" Bucky asked while staring at the door which you left through. He smiled listening to what you had said, you were so sweet and caring with everyone. He really wanted to take it slow getting to know you, he had things he needed to work on with himself and he didn't want to give you something broken, he didn't want to hurt you and that meant he needed to get himself together better first.  
That didn't mean he wasn't going to spend time with you, he liked that you let him take you home some nights and when he declined coming inside you never looked upset or put out.  
Saying all that doesn't mean that he doesn't think about taking your face in his hands and kissing you softly on the lips, because he does, a lot.

A few days later You were in the communal kitchen making lunch for Bruce and Tony, they had been in the lab for days on and off and you knew they hadn't been eating properly. So here you were making fully stacked sandwiches for the two of them and two coffees you had ordered in for them, then you were off to the lab.  
Walking into the lab you saw each of them bent over something or another, clearing your throat you announced yourself "Lunch time boys, I even got your favourite coffee's" the both of them looked up at you and you could tell they were about to argue with you "Nope. Don't even try it. Step away from whatever you are doing and come sit down and eat. Come on, you know you need to refuel.. plus I'm not leaving until the both of you finish" you smiled at them both and they sighed, knowing it wasn't worth arguing with you.

"So Bruce, Tony, what's got the two of you two squirreling away in the lab like this? It's been a while since you guys got so into something that you were missing meals" Tony pulled up an article and a few photos on the holoscreen next to him, what you saw made your heart stop. "There's been reports of some monster going around the city at night killing and eating people. There have been some pictures, but they're blurry and we cant really tell what it is" Tony sighed. "What's worse is sometimes it just "eats" a few organs but tearing up the body into chunks" Bruce interjected.

You knew exactly what it was but, you couldn't say. It was Carnage, what was that thing doing in the city? Wasn't Cletus Kasady locked up in Ravencroft? Had the Symbiote broken him out again? How the fuck does the Ravencroft Institute for the Criminally Insane keep losing that fucking man?! Chewing on your lip, you quickly realised you had been silent for a while "just the organs, huh? That's odd that whatever it is is tearing up the bodies too, if it just wants the organs, why go to the trouble?"  
Bruce and Tony both hummed in unison "That's what we're trying to figure out, y/n. Maybe you should have someone escort you home after work until we figure out what's going on, I'm sure the Metal Arm Wonder would be happy to take you" Tony winked at you. "We'll see Tony, he's preparing for his first mission next week, remember. Anyway now the two of you have eaten, let me take the dirty dishes and leave the two of you to your work. Good luck"

Back in the kitchen after you had finished rinsing the dishes, you sat at the breakfast bar and pulled out your phone. Pulling up the hacker app that lets you message and call behind proxy servers and unlisted numbers and started typing out messages to the handful of vigilantes that you were on friendly terms with.

Carnage is in the city  
We need to talk about what to do  
Meet me at Maggie's at 9-10-11-12  
Ask for the back room  
\- Shadow

Hitting send, the message went out to them, there was an hour between each meeting, hopefully that could keep things calm between them all until a plan was made. You were so absorbed in thinking about what you were going to do about Carnage without getting The Avengers involved that you didn't hear Bucky, Sam and Steve come into the room. Steve put his hand on your shoulder and you almost jumped out of your skin.  
"Holy shit!" you grabbed your chest "I-I didn't hear you guys".  
"You alright man?" Sam said coming closer, both Bucky and Steve were looking at you with concern "You were 1000 miles away, we tried to get your attention for a while there"  
Humming you looked at your hands, wringing them together and trying to think of a good excuse that would get them off of your back, coming up blank you decided to tell a few half truths.

"Bruce and Tony told me about some monster going around the city eating the organs of people then tearing their bodies apart, they're trying to figure out what it is. I was just thinking about it I guess" this would work, right?  
"They told you the gory details?!" Steve looked mad, looking at the other two you could see they were also not happy.  
"Y-yeah? Tony said I'm going to need to have someone from here to take me home at night, I'll probably ask one of the SHIELD agents we have laying around" shrugging, looking back at your hands. This whole situation was making you feel sick, lying, pretending. How much longer could you keep this up?  
"Buck and I will take you home until we leave for our mission next week, alright? I'll sort something out for when we're away" Steve pulled you into a hug and you put your arms around him, taking comfort in the gesture but not for the reason they were all thinking.  
You truly loved these people and you were letting them all think you were something you're not.

You thanked them and went back to your office, to try get some work done and to pass the day. Tonight was going to be trying, Dealing with all these different personalities.. Frank and Red would be the easiest to deal with but Deadpool and Venom.. well.. That was going to be something else entirely, you were going to need mexican food and chocolate.. a lot of chocolate.

5:30pm rolled around and you were just packing up your things when Bucky and Steve arrived "One moment my dudes" smiling at them before going back to forcing files into your bag.

"You sure there's enough room in there for all your stuff, Doll? Looks like your bag is about to burst at the seam" Bucky chuckled "I think I could still fit some more in there, but I have everything I need. So we driving or walking?" grinning at them before making your way to the door and turning off the light.

"Lets walk, It's a nice evening" Steve suggested to which Bucky nodded. Once out of the tower you took the lead, enjoying the evening air. Behind you Bucky and Steve were chatting quietly but you weren't really paying much attention, your mind was playing over tonight. "Do you guys mind if I stop into the corner store over there? I need to get something".  
Entering the corner store you were greeted by Mr and Mrs Park an adorable elderly Korean couple "Ah y/n it is good to see you again, are you keeping well and eating enough? You look thin" Mrs Park said looking over you then to Bucky and Steve "Who are these handsome men you have brought into my store? Potential boyfriends?" She said winking at you, you choked blushing furiously.  
Mr Park said something in Korean to his wife, likely scolding her for being impolite.

You grabbed an arm full of various chocolate bars and put them on the counter, Bucky and Steve were looking at you confused but you just ignored them.  
While the Park's here packing up your chocolate you leaned forward so that they could hear you whisper "Theres a dangerous criminal out on the streets lately, make sure you lock up well and stay inside after dark, okay?" they nodded sagely. They didn't know you were The Shadow but you had saved them from being robbed several times when you came in after work, so they trusted you.

After paying up and leaving Steve spoke up "What's with all the chocolate, y/n? That's not your dinner is it?" You laughed "Nah man, I'm ovulating and craving some chocolate. This will keep me going for a while, plus I wanted to see the Parks".  
"You seem friendly with them" Bucky remarked. Looking back at Bucky and Steve you smiled "I may or may not have stopped attempted robberies of the store a few times. Just being there at the right time I guess. They took a shine to me and almost adopted me as a grandchild" laughing to yourself you remembered previous encounters with the old couple fondly.  
"That's really dangerous of you to do, y/n!" Steve chastised you, to which you just shrugged "I'd do it again in a heartbeat, Steeeevie". You could tell he wasn't happy with that, but he knew not to argue it with you.

Your apartment was close and you heard Steve clear his throat "Can I come in and see the cat? It's been ages since I saw him" you turned to him and pointed at him "Ah ha! I knew that's the reason you wanted to take me home, you just want to pet my pussy" you grinned with a wink as Steve turned a deep shade of red "Y/N Don't say it so lewdly!" both Bucky and you laughed loudly.

As soon as you put your keys in the door you heard your cat start to scream, he was such a vocal cat. Technically its meowing but its more like a scream. Your cat tried to run out the door as soon as you opened it, so you had to push him back with your leg "No you're not going outside, look who's here to see you, Stevie. You love him remember" in reply you got a long "mrraaaaaaaaaaaaaa" from him. Once you were all inside you kicked off your shoes "Make yourselves at home, I need to freshen up".

Steve picked up your cat and started kissing it's face, calling him a pretty kitty and putting on a baby voice. Bucky regarded him with a smile on his face but stood there awkwardly, Steve noticed "Is this your first time inside, Buck?".  
Bucky shuffled a little "Yeah, I always just leave at the door, She offers me to come inside but I don't".  
Steve walked over to the fridge with the purring cat nuzzling his face and started to poke around your fridge for anything to eat, he knew you wouldn't mind. "Punk are you going through her fridge, that's rude" Bucky was shocked seeing how at home his friend was in your home.  
Steve peered over the fridge door looking at his friend innocently "She mean's it when she says make yourself at home" Steve grabbed a can of soda, offering one to Bucky but Bucky shook his head. They both made themselves at home on your couches, your cat had finally noticed Bucky and started rubbing himself against his legs. This made Bucky smile, he had always loved cats.

Your cat had curled up in Bucky's lap by the time you came out makeup free, dressed in sweat pants and a tank top. You smiled at the picture of Bucky softly petting your cat with a small smile on his face. "Honestly I expected Steve to be eating me out of house and home by now But you guys look comfy" plopping down next to Bucky you reached over and scratched your cat's cheek. "So what are your guys plans this evening?" looking at the clock it was 6:34pm you needed them out of here by 8:30pm at the latest.

Steve was the first to speak up "Probably go back to the tower, eat, go over mission details and relax, what do you think, Buck?" Bucky shrugged "I'm up for anything but food sounds good".  
"What about you. y/n?" Steve motioned to you with his head "Hmmm probably video games, food and a bath. Wanna relax, eat some of that chocolate y'know?" you faked a yawn for effect.

Steve grinned "You trying to get rid of us y/n? huh?" you leveled him with a serious stare "yes" the both of you broke out in laughter at that, your cat seemingly taking notice that you were beside him and started to meow loudly demanding attention. You bent down and kissed his head, not aware of how red in the face Bucky was, your face was basically in his lap, your mouth inches from his cock. He'd imagined your lips around his cock several times before now and this was a bit much. When you sat back normally he gently placed your cat on your lap standing up and motioning to Steve "Come on Jerk I'm getting hungry"

"Let me see you guys out!" you stood, taking Steve's empty can and depositing it in the trash. Steve walked up to you at the door and hugged you gently, when he pulled away you walked over to Bucky "May I hug you, James?" Bucky freaked out internally and before he could think of what to say the words were coming out of his mouth "Not today sorry" then he all but ran out the door.  
To say the rejection hurt wouldn't be untrue but you understood social anxiety and just shrugged at Steve "Enjoy your night Steve. I'll probably see you around the tower tomorrow" ushering him out and locking the door behind him.

Steve ran to catch up to his friend "Buck what was that all about?" Bucky huffed and looked at his friend, running his fingers through his own hair.  
"I don't know Stevie. She makes me feel things I don't know how to handle, I freaked out."  
Steve smiled and nodded "You like her". Bucky looked at the sky "I do. But I'm not sure I'm ready for romance yet. I've still got some things to work out with myself"  
"Hey. No pressure, Punk. Everything at your own time." Steve pat Bucky on the back and grinned.   
"Yeah yeah, Jerk" Bucky laughed punching Steve in the side "Lets just get back to the tower and eat, I'm starving"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm about half way through what I've written so far. I hope everyone is enjoying this. I'm pretty anxious about it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fighting Carnage time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the best at writing action yet.. so forgive me. I tried to write Carnage as he looks in the comics. all gross and stuff

Meeting with your "Friends" didn't go too badly. Red didn't want anything to do with the other three and Venom was very difficult to get information from, showing him the big bag of chocolate was a big help. He told you about the Life Foundation and how he and his siblings came to be on Earth.  
Begrudgingly he told you about the weaknesses that his kind have to sonic vibrations and heat, also telling you that the Life Foundation had items that could hold a symbiote preventing it from ever escaping.  
You literally threw yourself at the hulking alien, hugging him tightly and thanking him profusely. Venom purred, licking down your face and neck, causing you to shudder, briefly lewd thoughts crossed your mind about that tongue. NOW WAS NOT THE TIME.

Handing him the bag chocolate you had bought, you decided to test your luck. Offering him your body weight in chocolate if he could help you get one of the canisters that you would need to hold Carnage.

Frank and Wade were much easier to sway, Frank would do just about anything to protect innocents and Wade, well Wade just wanted to try killing the weird space alien thing. You could work with that, the next night you had them both meet you at a shitty run down apartment you had as a "safe house" and made the plan for the the capture.  
Over the next few days the three of you gathered weapons, armor and other things that would be needed.  
Sonic Emitter, Check. Three flamethrowers, Check. Full body armor for Frank, Check. Explosive charges, Check. Machine guns for Frank and Wade, Check. SMG for you, Check. Earplugs, Check.  
Now all you needed to do was wait for Venom to bring you what you needed.

It was the next week when you finally heard from Eddie and Venom. Eddie calling you from what you presume was a payphone telling you that Venom would be delivering his side of the deal tonight. That evening when you left work you were alone, Bucky and Steve had returned from a mission that morning and were still sleeping when you were ready to go. It worked out well because you still had several kilos of chocolate to buy and lug home.

Entering your apartment you heard a rumbling purr from the corner and Venom sauntered towards you "Little Morsel we have what you need" he hissed running his tongue across your cheek "Where is our prize, if you do not have it we could taste you instead". Venom rumbled in his chest again, standing so close to you that your chest was touching his stomach. You forgot how much larger than you he was.  
"Are you flirting with me Venom?" tilting your head back you stared up into his white eyes watching a feral grin form across his face, he shrugged and you stepped out of the room to pull a large suitcase from your spare room opening the case and pouring in the chocolate you just bought inside before zipping it back up. "Here you go big boy, there's lots of different kinds in there for you" Venom stepped over to you and the case, he enlarged his right hand and picked you up around the waist gently and the suitcase in his left, weighing the two of you. An extra arm grew from his back and went across the room and pulled a large canister with buttons and a small screen as well as a usb drive before handing them to you. "Thisss will hold the one called Carnage, he will not escape unless let out" pointing to the usb drive "This has instructions on how to use it".

You stared up at him, looking at him in his ghostly white eyes and smiled "Thanks a lot Venom, Eddie too. If you guys need my help for anything, if you are in trouble, let me know, okay?"  
Venom let another purr rumble through his chest as he placed you softly on the ground "We will remember that promise Little Morsel" before making his way over to your balcony door with his case of chocolate, looking back at you he regarded you "Do not die" he hissed as he vanished into the night.

Closing and locking your door you had a shower and got some dinner, while you were eating you contacted Frank, letting him know you had the goods. Frank had been keeping an eye on Carnage's movements through the city.  
The plan would be to lure Carnage out into a industrial area, where you three would have set everything up.  
Setting this all up might take a few days as to get it done without tipping anyone off, so far Carnage had been sticking to more untoward areas of the city, which wasnt great but it wasnt bad either.

Two days later it was the weekend and also the day of the plan, the three of you met at Wade's place and went over the plan, got into your outfits and armor, judging from Carnage's patterns he was going to be appear in an area that was at least a km or two out from where you had set everything up. That's where you came in, you would lure Carnage to the trap. Seeing as you had an almost instantaneous healing rate it would be easy enough to keep him busy, you hoped.

Frank was set up in an abandoned warehouse, monitoring police chatter and making sure the trap was ready. Wade was watching from a roof a few streets over, armed with a flame thrower and his swords.  
The plan was simple, you lured him to the trap. Then the three of you let lose the flame throwers and the sonic emitter, then tearing Carnage from Kasady you would put the Symbiote into the canister locking it away safely.  
That was the plan, a lot could go wrong, but it also could go well. As darkness fell and the streets grew quiet you stood on a roof with your night vision goggles watching for rooftop movement, almost an hour passed when you spotted him on a roof a few hundred meters from where you were now.

Kneeling down you grabbed your smg off of your back and fired in his direction, a few bullets hitting him, not doing much damage but enough to get his attention.  
You jumped off of the roof as you heard a blood curdling screech and in front of you Carnage appeared.  
There he stood in all his horror. The colour of rust and blood mixed together, black veins all across his body, out of his back came countless tendrils. Without any warning he launched himself at you screaming that he was going to kill you.  
Grinning under your mask, rolling away from his strikes you fired more shots at him, fueling his rage. You let the boys know you were on the way with Carnage.

Letting Carnage injure you a few times was a part of the plan, it was totally a part of the plan. He needed to get the smell of your blood to track you but you had not intended him to impale you and tear off your mask, screeching in your face. Coughing up blood you made sure you spit some on him before tearing his arm off and throwing yourself out of his arms and falling to the ground. Healing instantly as per usual, you were about to turn back to your foe when you heard it "Y/N?!"  
Head snapping to the direction you saw an alarmed Bucky, Sam and Steve before you were being blind sided by Carnage and being thrown into the side of a parked van. You didn't have time for this, you were a km out from the target area, you noticed that Carnage had taken interest in the others and was stalking towards them.

You ran for your gun and yelled in the loudest voice you could manage "YOU'RE A COWARD CLETUS KASADY" firing into his back. Another unholy scream tore from his throat before he started hurtling your way at a breakneck speed, you yourself turned and sprinted in the direction of the industrial area where the trap was laid. Hoofing it you could hear Carnage screaming about how he was going to tear you limb from limb, torture you slowly before eating you alive.  
"You'll have to catch me first, freak!" you yelled back at him. Just a few hundred more meters and you would be there.  
Rounding the corner you saw the goal in sight, just before you got there Carnage landed in front of you, countless spindles came from his body and pierced your body raising you into the air as he screamed with rage in your face. Fuck it hurt, sweet jesus but right on time flames came bursting at your side, singeing you but injuring Carnage. The sweet screech of pain he emitted as he dropped you to the ground was heaven to your ears.

Wade threw you a flame thrower and the two of you drove him back towards the trap, when he hit the mark Frank set off the sonic emitter. Carnage was in agony, that's the only description you could give. Frank handed you the canister and you gave him your flame thrower.  
You typed in the code for the canister while Carnage was being weakened from all sides, taking the earplugs from your pocket you put them in and approached the writhing mass that was Carnage with Cletus Kasady showing through, You grabbed the man's arm and threw him out of the aoe

Writhing on the ground was a red and black blob, staring at it for a moment you almost felt pity for this thing. Either way you had to stop it from creating more trouble. Scooping it up as well as you could considering its composition, you locked it in the canister which shut with an air tight hiss.  
Frank turned off the sonic emitter and Wade came over and was tapping on the canister's glass laughing at the thing throwing itself against the glass.

"What the Hell is this Y/n?!" Steve yelled at you from a few meters away. Fuck, you had forgotten them.. shit. Frank and Wade stood in front of you, blocking you from the three new comers to the scene as if to protect you. Stepping around the two you told them to head home and that you would deal with this. Wade shrugged and grabbed his weapons, running off into the night yelling "Call me next time you've got fun stuff to do!"

Frank stood his ground as the Bucky, Sam and Steve came over surveying the scene as they did.  
"Frank they won't hurt me, I'll be fine" scowling he looked at the other men, a stare they gave in return "I don't trust 'em. You can't trust the law it's corrupt, you know this" you sighed loudly and cracked your back "Look I trust them so please trust me and go home. I'll talk to you soon, yeah?"  
Frank stared down at you with an unreadable expression before patting you on the head and turning to the others "If anything happens to her, I'll come for all of you" then he stalked over to the unconscious Cletus and throwing him over his shoulders before walking into the shadows.

Turning to your friends you sighed seeing the looks on their faces and knew it was going to be an even longer night.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam, Steve and Bucky were out at a pub Sam had suggested, saying it was low key and in a quiet area. And it was. He'd had a good night, relaxing after what turned out to be a 6 day mission instead of longer.  
They were headed down the street to the car that they had parked a well away from the pub when they heard the scream, if that's what you could call it. They all looked at each other and knew they had to check it out.  
When they got closer they say what appeared to be a person antagonizing a humanoid creature, red with black veins across its body, white eyes and sharp teeth.

Steve put his arm out in front of them, keeping them back while they hung back and watched what was going down.  
The creature impaled the person fighting them, tearing off their mask and screaming in their face. Sam grabbed Steve's shoulder and looked at him concerned "Is that y/n?". Seeing the person tear the "Arm" off the creature and fall to the ground before getting back up, the hole in their stomach closing before their eyes.  
Bucky couldn't help himself and yelled "Y/N?!" your head snapped in their direction, shock evident on your face.  
Before their eyes you were blind sided into a van by the creature, then it turned to them and started stalking towards them. Behind it you got up, got your gun and opened fire on it. Taunting it before sprinting away and the thing followed.

"What the hell was that? Was that really y/n??!" Sam blurted, clearly in shock. The three of them looked between each other not really knowing what to say.  
I'm going after her" Steve spoke up "You guys coming?" the others nodded at him and followed as he ran to follow you.

Steve rounded the corner first, Bucky and Sam just behind him the image they saw was of you being held in the air by the creature again before being swallowed by flames, Steve went to run to your aid, when the creature let forth a blood curdling scream and dropping you.

Bucky, Sam and Steve stayed back knowing they were not prepared for whatever was going on. They watched Deadpool, The Punisher and you drive the creature into what appeared to be a trap, they watched you pull a human from inside the creature, tossing them carelessly to the side. It all ended when you gathered the red blob into some sort of container that hissed with an air tight seal.

Bucky watched you interact with the two men he didn't know, laughing at the one in red spandex antics. He looked over at Steve and saw his friend vibrating with anger as he drew on the three of you "What the hell is this y/n?!" Steve yelled.  
The look of fear that crossed your face as you looked at them was covered by your friends standing in front of you to protect you. Sam put his hand on Steve's shoulder to try calm him for a moment, Steve then noticing the protective stance around you that the people you fought with took. They thought you were in danger.

You stood in front of Deadpool and The Punisher, looking back at Bucky, Sam and Steve with a dejected sigh. With their super solider hearing Bucky and Steve could hear you tell them to leave, that you were in no danger from them.  
Bucky noted quickly that the tall dark one, that you called Frank, made no move to leave and stared coldly at him and the others.

Steve visibly bristled when he heard this Frank tell you that they couldn't be trusted, that the law couldn't be trusted. Hearing you say that you trusted them made him feel marginally better, but he still didn't like the guy.  
What you said clearly got him to understand, next thing the boys knew was that this man pet you on the head and threatened them to not hurt you before he stalked off into the night with the unconscious man over his shoulder.

You looked at them and sighed, holding the canister with Carnage inside tightly to you, thinking for a moment before you heard the sirens in the distance "Want to meet me at my place?" you asked quietly.  
Sam seemingly had enough and kicked a trashcan near by. "Look I get you have questions, I will answer any and all you have back at my place. The cops are going to be on this place in a few moments I would rather not be here, would you?"  
Steve spoke up first "Alright. We'll meet you there, y/n" as he leveled you with a glare of which emotion you could not place.  
"Use your key, I'll be coming through the fire escape" looking between them before running off into the night.

An hour later you were climbing down the fire escape to your window, you had taken a few roof tops to get here, you wanted to keep off the street being maskless.  
You stood in front of your apartment windows, staring at the closed windows, hearing the boys talking quietly.   
How you had gotten here without having a full on breakdown, you had no fucking idea.  
You leaned against the railing of the fire escape, sliding down to the ground with a thud and stared at the glass, your eyes glazing over, clinging to the canister containing Carnage. You were lost in your head, panicking, your life would change tonight, nothing would be the same, you were going to have to quit your job and leave your friends behind, there was no way you could stay.

The boys heard the thud outside the window, assuming it was you they waited a few moments for you to come in, when you didn't Steve cautiously pulled the curtains back and saw you sitting there with a far away stare, he opened the window and called to you several times but you weren't hearing him. Leaning out he waved his hand in front of your face, that seemingly got your attention and you gasped in shock.

"Sorry" you mumbled, waiting for him to lean back in the window so you could climb in. Once you were inside and only then did the three men see just how messed up you looked. You were covered in blood, you had a huge hole in your clothes in the torso where they had seen you impaled, there were no injuries there anymore but there was dry blood, a lot of it. Your hair was matted with blood, there were countless holes in your clothes where you had been run through by that creature's tentacle things. Steve reached forward and pulled your hood back showing dried blood trails from your ears, eyes, nose and mouth.  
All four of you stood there in silence for what felt like forever, the only thing that broke the silence was your cat coming up to you, spotting Carnage and hissing loudly.  
This snapped you into action, you made your way to your spare room when you heard "Hey where are you going?" it sounded like Sam but you were too tunnel visioned to pick our the voice. Opening a pin pad in the wall you unlocked a safe room that you used for all your vigilante needs.  
Not paying attention to the boys you made about unlocking your airlock safe and putting Carnage in there before locking it again. You pulled off your bloodied and ruined armor and threw it into a bio-hazard container, then you heard a gasp, turning around in your barely intact underwear you saw them. Steve and Bucky were going bright red and Sam was barely looking at you.

"Uh I forgot.. you were.. here" you muttered staring at the ground "is it okay if i have a quick shower?" you asked, you got a nod from Sam and took it before running from your safe room to your ensuite bathroom.

While you were in the shower the others took a look around your secret room, It was clearly supposed to be a safe room, Sam told them. You weren't really using it for it's intended purposes clearly.  
The room was the same size as the spare bedroom, which wasn't small, it had several weapon racks along the wall, all but one filled with weapons, Bucky noticed a space for a SMG or at least what he thought was one.

Sam was taken with looking at the maps on the wall, you had been tracking something? Maybe it was the creature you had locked away just before. What the hell was that thing anyway he asked himself.

Steve looked over at your desk in there, the wall behind your desk had photos of all your friends, him included on it. He saw one of you kissing his cheek on his last birthday, one of you on Thor's shoulders, there was Nat, Wanda, Pepper and you dressed to the nines. A picture of Tony sleeping in his lab. He saw several with Deadpool, you looked like you were having fun. Bucky and Sam had joined him looking at the pictures. There were pictures of people they didn't even know.

There was a clearing of throat behind them, turning they found you clean and looking almost normal. Bucky noticed the fear in your eyes, he'd seen similar reflected back in his own eyes so many times and the eyes of the Winter Soldier's victims. He didn't know if the others saw it, but he didn't like that you were scared of them.  
You ushered them out of your safe room and engaged the security for it.

"Lets go into the lounge room, I know you all have questions"


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of attempted suicide in this chapter.  
> In the comics Symbiotes can only die if they choose to, so I went with that. If anyone is a little confused.

Waiting for them to seat themselves on your couches you decided it would be more comfortable to sit on the ground for some reason. So you slid down the wall next to the window you came in with your legs out in front of you, flat against the ground.

Sam spoke up first "What was that creature and what are you doing to do with it?"  
You couldn't bare to look at any of them not even at their feet, so you stared at the carpet in front of you.  
"It's name is Carnage. It's an alien symbiote from another planet, it came here on space rock with others of its kind, they were kept captive by the Life Foundation. As for what to do with it, I'm not sure exactly.. You can only injure them, not kill them. From what I've been told only they can choose when they wish to die. It wont be able to escape the thing I have it in, it was made for holding it's kind" the entire time you were fiddling with your fingers, your anxiety brewing. Fuck this shit why were you so careless?

"How did you find out all of this information and get a hold of such a device" it was Bucky this time. Steve quickly interrupted him "How about you start from the beginning, y/n. It might make more sense this way" you looked up to see Steve giving the others a placating look.

"Well, my story is pretty much the one you know already, Steve. Though details Ive kept hidden for 20ish years due to fear I suppose" running your hand through your hair you felt sick, your eyes were tearing up and you were scared.  
"You guys are going to be the only ones I have told about this, I really don't want to tell you. It will change everything for me" Anxiety was brewing inside of your chest but you knew you had to do this.

"I'm a mutant" you begrudgingly bit out. "That's why my parents left me for dead in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a bear filled forest. Though at that time they thought I was just strong, really strong. I guess they assumed the bears or starvation would kill me eventually. A bear sure did try." your hands were drawn into tight fists remembering it all "I thought that I was dead when that mother bear came barreling out at me, it tore me apart, even ate parts of me. Before it had even finished with me, my wounds closed themselves and I started fighting back. I didn't want to die."

Your eyes were still trained on the ground and you didn't see the looks of pity that went across their faces, it was probably better that you didn't see it anyway.

"I won that fight, after that I wandered trying to find other humans, Eventually I found a road and it led me to a small town in the east of bumfuck. The sheriff knew the matron of one of the orphanages in New York so I was sent there, Except I climbed out of the bus window at an intersection blocks away from the orphanage and ran." rubbing your eyes you sighed. you hated reliving this shit so much.

"Why did you run? wouldn't being in an orphanage be better? Or you could have gone back to your parents?" Steve questioned.

You laughed bitterly, a few tears escaping your eyes "My parents didn't want me and I didn't trust anyone at that point. Wouldn't the orphanage people have thrown me out too when they found out about what I am? I didn't know but I was scared. Eventually I grouped up with other homeless kids and we took care of each other as best as we could" you bit your lip and let out a shuddered sigh "I was 14 when I first killed another human. Someone had tried to force themselves on Sophie and her screams for help.. before I knew it I had beat that man's face into nothing but pulp. I was scared that the others would throw me away too now they saw I was a mutant. But they loved me just as much as they did before and we went on for a few more years living together and taking care of each other. Until they died"

"How?" Bucky asked quietly.

Wiping away more tears you also wiped your nose on your shirt "Kyle thought he was a hotshot thief, I mean he was the best out of us without a doubt. But he got caught stealing from some gang member and they killed him. Soph, Jesse and Gerald died of exposure. Cold winters sleeping in dumpsters isn't ideal for under fed children" you were crying freely now. "I tried so hard to keep everyone safe, to make sure they stayed warm and fed. I-I tried so hard" you were ugly crying again, great. Just another thing to be anxious about, right?  
"I still have nightmares of waking up next to their blue lipped frozen bodies, sometimes other people I care about are there dead instead"

It had gone unnoticed by yourself, but Sam had noticed almost straight away as your hands wound into your hair and you started plucking it out, then your hands would move to your eyebrows and eyelashes and you would pull them out.. It seemed the hair just grew back from what he could tell, but from dealing with the vets and the therapy sessions he knew he was looking at Trichotillomania.  
Sam came and sat down next to you, pulling your hands gently from your hair and holding them in his "Hey hey it's okay. You don't need to do that to yourself" he reached up and stroked your hair "I noticed you can grow it back but you don't have to hurt yourself" you nodded and sniffled

Bucky and Steve weren't sure what Sam was talking about, but the look Sam gave them spoke that he would tell them about it later.

Resting your head against the wall you looked around the room taking your friends appearances in, they looked tired and sad. You'd be sad too if you found out someone as close to you as you are to them had been hiding all this from them. God you hated yourself.

"I was alone for a while after that, I just looked after myself. Almost a year later I was dumpster diving out the back of a restaurant and I met this guy Jeremy, at first I was wary of him. He was obviously a super rich kid, so I ran away. But that dumpster always had the best food, so I went back. He would always try to talk to me and I would run away. Eventually we started talking and formed an unlikely friendship. He brought me proper winter clothing and managed to talk his father Alistair into giving me a dishwashing job at his super fancy restaurant. I didn't have a social security number or anything like that, so Alistair helped me with that so I could get a bank account" you smiled to yourself fondly remembering the two of them, where you would be right now without them, you wouldn't know.

Your cat had finally got bored of sniffing around the safe room door and curled up next to you purring, it comforted you.  
"I managed to get a shitty apartment and saved enough money to go to community college where I studied administrative skills. So I could be an assistant or a receptionist. It was around that time I discovered that I only need a few hours of sleep a day to survive and I started wandering the streets at night looking for trouble or people who needed help" you shrugged "it seemed like the right thing to do at the time and I've been doing it ever since"

"I don't understand why you couldn't tell me about any of this, Y/n. I thought we were friends" you could feel the hurt in Steve's voice as he spoke those words, words you had dreaded. It was like being stabbed in the chest, unfortunately that had happened more than once.

Taking your hands from Sam's, you pulled your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around them before rubbing your face on them. There was trails of snot on your knee like snail trails.  
"It wasn't like I didn't want to tell you Steve, god I've agonised over it for a long time. It was never personal, It wasn't like "well fuck Steve, I'm not telling him just to be a bitch"

Steve crossed his arms, hurt showing on his face "Then why? I've trusted you with every secret I have, even when we were on the run, you were the only person in that tower I trusted with my location and plans"

You deserved his ire, really you did but it didn't stop it from hurting or it insulting you "Did I ever, even once betray your trust or fail to help you? I went to great effort to keep you and the others off the radar, you asked me to help you with monumental things, weapons and safe houses, passports. Don't sit there and act like I never had your fucking back, Steven! Do you really think so little of me now?" burying your face in your hands.

Bucky cleared his throat getting everyone's attention "You didn't tell anyone because of the mutant thing, right?"  
You were glad someone in this room got it, of course Bucky would.  
"Yeah" sighing softly "It's the mutant thing. Declaring openly that you are a mutant is basically flushing your day to day life down the shitter. Normal humans loathe and fear mutants, some of my kind give them very good reason to but most of us are normal people like everyone else"

Looking at your hands like they were the most interesting thing in the world you continued "I'm lucky, I can pass as a normal every day human. Unless I told someone or they saw my mutations they would never know but, if it came out that I was one I would be run out of my home, people in the community that know me would shun me. I'd lose my job, my friends.. my family"

You sighed again looking around at your friends they were a mix of curious and sad faces regarding you "I like being y/n the mild mannered office worker" you smiled to yourself "It lets me be normal, anonymous and to be my truest self"

Coming from beside you, Sam spoke next "You know none of us would judge you for being a mutant, I mean Wanda is one, then theres the super soldiers over there and me the devilishly handsome chocolate man with fly wings" that had you laugh and smile at him.  
"He's right y/n, about the us not judging you thing" Steve said looking at you less hurt but more hopeful "Exactly" Bucky said too.

"I know guys I really do, you guys mean that. But the governments of the world don't, If they cant control us they will lock us up or worse. Fuck, there was a time they created the Hope Serum and how terrifying that was" and it was terrifying, before it was made public so many mutants around the world went missing, fellow homeless mutants were taken from the street never to be seen again.

"What's the Hope Serum?" asked Steve

"It was a "cure" for mutants. They treated us like we were a disease. They had devoted research into mutantism being a disease, something we could be cured of. Basically it blocks your body from producing the X Gene. You lose your abilities, luckily or unluckily depending on what side you are on, it wasn't permanent, after a few years it wore off"

"I remember that, It was just before I joined the military" Sam muttered.

"The scariest part for me personally was seeing my fellow homeless mutants being taken from the streets never to be seen again, it came out later that they and others like them had been taken to be test subjects for the serum. Again, me looking normal saved me but, it doesn't take away my fear"  
You looked at Steve sadly "I didn't not tell you because I don't trust you or any of the Avengers, it's that I don't trust normal people, which is kind of ironic seeing as I spend so much time pretending I am normal like them"

"What is your mutation?" Bucky asked.  
"I can heal any injury in seconds, I'm more durable than the average person and I'm very strong. I've yet to find a limit to my physical strength but at the same time I've not tried to find it"

"Ok I get why you kept the mutant thing a secret" Sam begins "One thing I'm curious about is who those guys are you were with tonight" Bucky and Steve eagerly agreed with Sam.

"Right I forgot about them.. That was Deadpool and The Punisher or as I know them Wade and Frank. They are my friends and sometimes I work with either of them or help them take down bad guys. There were supposed to be two others there but they didn't want to work with the others, bad blood" you shrugged not really knowing what to say.  
"They kill people, y/n. That guy you pulled from that alien got killed by this "Frank" didn't he" Steve spoke up with a hint of anger.

You leveled Steve with a glare that had him flinch.  
"Of course Kasady died tonight, he deserved it. Man is a serial killer, a violent and hardened criminal. He has escaped from prison's around the country AND Ravencroft institute for the criminally insane so many times. Every time he gets out, either escaping or being let out he re offends within 24 hours!" sighing you rubbed at your face, feeling emotionally exhausted but knowing this night had more left in it before you could rest "There are worse out there than Cletus too. The rich and powerful. A good lawyer or a shit ton of money can make even the worst crimes vanish and so do the witnesses."

"Rich cunts that run pedophile rings, deal with slave trading on the side and so much more, they get away with it all and there are countless victims that will never get justice! All because the justice system is corrupt. I get it, it's not ideal but I support Frank and what he does" you laugh to yourself remembering when you were late the other month "Remember when I was late that time and you all freaked out? I was late because I spent hours saving his life, sewing up wounds, getting bullets out. If you guys had come to my place you'd have found him unconscious on the bed in the spare room. Sometimes the law fails catastrophically and there needs to be people to clean up that mess"

"Do you kill people?" Steve all but whispered, looking at you uncertainly  
"Not if I don't have to, when I was homeless and younger, I killed anyone who tried to hurt me" you sighed regretfully "I regret most of those deaths, I could say "I was just a scared child" but it doesn't change the fact that I did it though"  
Bucky related to that sentiment on a deep level, he struggled daily with what he had done. This night so far had let him see a side of you that he wasn't sure he deserved or had a place knowing, He hadn't known you more than a handful of months and here you were letting your deepest darkest secrets out in front of him.

"What about the guy in red and black that was with you too" Sam piped up.  
A huge grin spread across your face "That is Wade Wilson, you guys share a last name" you nudged Sam with your elbow "I was investigating the cause of random bodies turning up showing various levels of torture. It happened to find out, through vigorous questioning that it was an offshoot of the Weapon X program. Essentially they were telling people 'we have this experimental treatment for cancer that could save your life' when really it was just a front to experiment on trying to draw out latent mutant abilities from people" crossing your legs you pulled your cat in your lap, needing the comfort as you remembered what they did to the people there.

"A lot of mutant abilities show themselves when you are in a life or death situation, or you are very scared. So they would torture people day in and day out, keeping many people on the constant verge of death. That's where I found Wade. He was kept in a hyberbaric chamber for extended periods of time, giving him just enough air to survive but not enough to keep his body from thinking he was going to suffocate. They did similar to a lot of people, some people gained abilities but most didn't and eventually died due to the stress on their mind and bodies"

The room was silent for a while so you continued "After I freed Wade he kinda stuck to me like shit to a blanket then one day he left to go find his own way. A year later he turned back up on my door, staying with me for a while, I was working at the lawyers office at that time, he had discovered along with super cancer, the torture made him essentially immortal, he can heal any injury, not like me, he can grow a limb back in a day and regen his entire body in a few days. He prefers reattaching the limbs though"

"I feel like there's more to the story there" Steve said looking at you questioningly  
You laughed a bitter laugh "I was hoping nobody would ask but I guess.. We bonded over shared experiences with our mutations. Namely the not being able to die thing. Many night shared in tears over how we cannot die, no matter how hard we try" your eyes started to tear up again "and we both have tried so so many times to end our own lives, only to wake up hours later completely fucking fine. Behind his inappropriate sense of humor and penchant for katana swords hes got multiple personalities, talks to himself a lot, is easily swayed to do things he shouldn't. In saying all that he is my best friend, he never fails to make me laugh or smile through the tears and I know that even if the entire world turned against me, he would stand at my side proudly" you finish with a sad smile.

"So what happens now? I've answered your questions honestly. What are you three going to do with me?" you couldn't help yourself and felt yourself beg "Please don't tell anyone I'm a mutant, please. I'll resign and leave the city, none of you will have to even look at me again. Please don't tell anyone" your lip quivered and you felt panic bubbling up inside you, threatening to swallow you whole.

You hadn't noticed the panicked look on their faces when you mentioned leaving or when you insinuated they were going to do something to you. A chorus of "What do you mean?" "why would you leave?" "What" came from the three men. You couldn't take the pressure any more, standing abruptly, your cat falling to the ground with a disgruntled meow and you ran to your room slamming the door, pushing your dresser against the door before climbing under your covers in the fetal position.

Someone knocked on the door and then tried to open it, when it hit the dresser they stopped. You could hear them talking in the lounge room but you didn't listen. This night had turned into a nightmare. Never before had you felt so raw and exposed. You hugged your pillow and cried yourself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super emotional for me. I cried proof reading it lmao.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SOME FLUFF WITH READER AND BUCKY

Sam ran his hand over his head looking at your door "Let's just leave her for a bit, going through all that again will have been traumatic. Besides we should probably talk about all this" he said as he gestured widely.

"When you told her she didn't need to hurt herself what did you mean?" Bucky asked Sam quietly.  
Sam sat up straighter and thought of the best way to explain it "I don't know if you two had noticed but she was plucking her hair out, it seemingly regrows because of her mutation I imagine. I've seen that behavior at the VA, officially its called Trichotillomania, it comes about from anxiety or OCD, some people have have it worse than others. Basically a person plucks out their hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, scalp hair, beards and some other places. For normal people they are left with bald spots where they pull the hair out"

Bucky had wasn't aware that there were so many different ways that anxiety could manifest in a person, He has had his fair share of anxiety, hell he still gets anxious daily. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Steve talking.  
"I was terrified when I saw that thing attack her, then I was angry that she had kept this life style from us she's been with us at the tower for 4 years. There's this whole life and a side to her that we don't know, I'm not sure how to feel about it all" Steve looks at your bedroom door and sighs "I still feel like there is so much left unspoken in regards to her life outside the office"

"Everybody has secrets, Stevie. Is it so bad she has her own? She takes care of all the Avengers more than we could ever take care of ourselves. Then in her spare time she fights crime, crime the Avengers can't deal with because of red tape. She's doing good things, they might not be level with your personal moral standing but it doesn't mean she's doing wrong" Bucky was a little miffed at his friend being so harsh on you, sure he hadn't known you long but his gut told him you were a good person and his gut never lead him wrong.

Sighing Steve stood from the couch and started pacing "I know that in theory, Buck but it doesn't stop me from being hurt. She could have helped us countless times but she decided to stick with the act of a 'mild mannered office worker'" he made quotation marks with his fingers as he said the words.

This time it was Sam who chastised him "Come on man, her fear is justified with the mutant thing, maybe not around us but the rest of the world out there it is. Wanting to have a secret identity and a normal life isn't such a bad thing, is it?"  
Sam brought his hands together and leaned his elbows on his knees looking at the ground "What concerns me most is what she said about trying to die but not being able to, I know you guys joke about that "mask" you say she wears but I had no idea she felt like that. I knew there was anxiety but her admitting she's tried to kill herself and keeps trying to worries me a lot. She's our friend, I don't like my friends hurting like that"

Steve stopped pacing, sitting on the edge of the couch and crossed his arms "You're right, you both are" He ran his fingers through his hair "So, what are we going to do about this? Do you guys think she's going to actually leave?"

"If she thinks we are going to tell anyone about all this I think she'll run" Bucky thought out loud.  
"I agree, I don't want her to run away, not because I think she's dangerous but because shes my friend" Sam added.  
"So we agree to keep this between us four? I'd still like to talk to her about it some more but I think we've all had enough tonight. Maybe we should head back to the tower for the night" Steve said standing from the couch again. Bucky and Sam agreed with keeping what they found out tonight to themselves.

As they went to leave Bucky stopped them "I'm going to stay on the couch, I don't want her to get the wrong idea and think we are going to expose her and then run away" Sam nodded at him and clapped him on the shoulder in thanks.  
"Are you sure Buck?" Steve questioned to which Bucky just smiled and nodded.

Bucky wandered around your apartment, taking in your home, the little touches of you. He noticed there were only a few pictures of people around the apartment a few with the Avengers, but nothing that gave away anything personal. He surmised you kept them locked away in case anyone found out who you were that they couldn't use them to get to you.

Between his legs your cat had started to rub itself against him, so he bent down to pet it and it ran to the kitchen meowing loudly at its empty food bowl.  
Not knowing where you would keep petfood Bucky opened up all the cupboards looking for cat biscuits, as luck would have it they were in the last cupboard he checked.

He sat on one of your couches and put the tv on, lowering the volume as not to disturb you. He settled on an animal documentary about seals. An hour had passed and your cat had come to sit in his lap, he had relaxed so much that he was starting to doze off until he heard the sound of your dresser push away from your door.  
Bucky started to get anxious, he wasn't entirely sure why. When your door opened slowly and you stepped out into the room he noticed you jump in surprise when you saw him. Your hair was disheveled, your eyes were red. He stepped closer to you, slowly trying not to scare you "Hey sweetheart"

Tentatively you stepped towards him, looking around for the others but they were nowhere to be seen. Where had they gone? Had they gone to tell everyone what happened? The urge to run was suffocating you. Clearly sensing your unease Bucky spoke up "They've just gone back to the tower to sleep. We're not going to tell anyone about what happened tonight, It's not our place."

You looked up at him in shock "R-really?" your voice broke and tears started welling up in your eyes "Y-you promise?".  
"Of course, we're your friends" he pulled you gently into his arms and held you to him. Your arms wrapped around him and fisted his shirt as you clung to him, you could smell his cologne and his natural musk and it was comforting. You could stay in his arms forever.

"I'm scared, James. I don't know what's going to happen from here. I wanna run" you mumbled into his chest.  
Bucky squeezed you tighter resting his cheek on your head, bringing a hand up to stroke your head "I know you're scared, Sweetheart. It's going to be okay. I'm here for you, so is Sam and Steve. You don't need to run.You're safe. I promise."  
Letting out a harsh sigh, you couldn't keep the tears back any longer and sobbed into Bucky's chest. "I really don't deserve you guys" you pulled away from him, taking the hem of your shirt and wiping your face with it. God you hated crying. Did you have to get so snotty every time!

Bucky's hands on your face startled you and you flinched, looking up into his emotion filled eyes "Yes you do y/n. I'm so god damned proud of you. You're a fighter, a survivor and a hero." he kissed your forehead and pulled you back into his embrace mumbling into your hair again how proud of you he is. Smiling softly you looked up at him, feeling relived that everything was going to be okay and that your friends didn't hate you.  
"H-hey, James.. Do you want to maybe come cuddle? I'm so tired but I don't want to be alone" Hearing your request made his heart stutter, he couldn't say no to you with how distressed you are and if he was honest with himself all he wanted to do was hold you in his arms all night. Kissing your forehead again he smiled at you and nodded "Lets get some sleep, Doll. I'm pretty tired too"

You led him to your room, opened one of the bottom drawers on your dresser. Digging through for a few moments you found what you were looking for, holding out some sweat pants and a tshirt to Bucky "Here you can change in the bathroom if you'd like, these are Steve's he left them here if we ever had sleep over movie nights"

When Bucky came out of the bathroom you were already sitting in the bed waiting for him, you looked up to him seeing him holding the shirt in his hand. "It's way too small for me, I don't know how Stevie wears these things".  
Patting the bed next to you "Come on lets get some sleep" you could feel yourself blushing madly but ignored it. The man was beautiful and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable staring.  
He climbed in next to you, shuffling closer. Your bed was large so there was plenty of room.  
"So how are we going to do this, Doll?" reaching behind you, you grabbed a pillow. "Lay down, get comfy and put your mental arm out" Bucky did as you asked and you placed the spare pillow over his metal arm, laid down and rest your head on it. Throwing your arm around his middle and snuggling into him. "How's this for you, James?" He placed his hand over yours humming contentedly. "It's perfect, Sweetheart. The pillow thing was a good idea"  
Sighing happily you snuggled into him further "I may or may not have thought of the logistics of cuddling with you before" Why did you just say that? Oh god. Bucky rolled onto his side, pulling your arm tighter around him and pulling you closer "Me too" he whispered kissing your head.  
"Goodnight James" you whispered into his bare chest as you started drifting off. "Goodnight, y/n" he muttered into your hair.

When you awoke you had no idea of the time. What you did know was you were still pressed up against Bucky's chest, he had held you tighter during the time you were asleep. His metal arm, pillow included had come to hold you as well. Leaning your head back, you looked up at him. He was sleeping peacefully, his lips parted just slightly. Who let this man be so pretty, honestly it was almost criminal. Smiling you nuzzled back into his chest and rubbed small circles on his back with your thumb. You were unsure how long you had been laying there awake enjoying his embrace but he had started to stir. He nuzzled into the top of your head and rubbed your back, tightening his grip on you just slightly. You smiled against his chest hugging him tighter in return "Morning, James" you whispered. "Mmm good morning, Doll" he pulled back and looked down at you smiling. Oh god it was that trademark smirk of his that you had grown to adore.  
You smiled back at him. The two of you stayed staring at each other for a while, both of you looking at each other's lips. You thought maybe he would kiss you until your stomach growled loudly.

"I think it's breakfast time" you squirmed out of his grip, climbing out of bed and heading to the bathroom. Bucky rolled on to his back and watched you leave. He hadn't felt so rested and relaxed for such a long time. Holding in his arms last night and then again while you slept had been everything he could have wanted. He wanted so badly to kiss you. To taste your sweet lips. Maybe next time, if there is a next time.

You walked out of the bathroom with your face washed, teeth brushed and feeling refreshed. You looked at the clock and it was almost 8am. "We slept late, I don't think I've ever slept that long for years. How hungry are you?" Bucky stretched, sitting up "I could eat a horse" he grinned.  
"Alright, I know just the thing. I set out a toothbrush, face cloth and a towel for you in the bathroom if you need them. I'll get started on breakfast"

You had decided to cook Bucky a big breakfast. Fried mushroom, fried tomato, scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, toast and hashbrowns. By the time Bucky came out fully dressed and refreshed all you needed to do was plate it. "Take a seat and I'll bring it over" you motioned to the table.  
You set down his plate in front of him with a cup of coffee and the cutlery before sitting next to him with a bowl of oatmeal.  
Bucky looked at you in awe "This is an impressive spread.. but what about you? Oatmeal? While you fed me this?" you laughed "I'm not one for heavy things for breakfast, besides oatmeal is full of protein and will keep me full until the afternoon as long as I don't do anything strenuous. Besides I wanted to thank you for last night I guess" you couldn't help yourself from blushing and looking down at your food "I-it really meant a lot to me that you stayed and comforted me, nobody has made me feel so safe for as long as I can remember. So thank you, James. Really, Thank you".  
You finally looked up at him and he was looking at you with watery eyes. He took your hand in his hands and brought it to his mouth and kissed it gently "I'll always be here for you, y/n"

The two of you enjoyed your breakfast, Bucky telling you that Steve will probably be on his way over soon, that he wanted to talk to you. Sensing your anxiety he told you it was going to be okay and that Steve isn't mad. Everything was going to be okay.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some bffl talking with Steve.  
> Bucky asks you to be his date for the Christmas Ball.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter here!

When Steve arrived Bucky took his leave but not before giving you a hug and telling you he was going to buy you lunch on Monday.

Looking at Steve you suddenly felt anxious all over again. "Would you like to sit?". Steve nodded and sat on one of your couches and patted next to him "Come here" he said smiling a small smile at you. You sat next to him but crossed your legs and turned so you were facing him.  
"I-im so-" "I'm so sor-" you both started. "Wait, why are you sorry, Steve?".

Steve huffed, looking away from you for a moment before looking back at you and smiled a little "I was too harsh on you, I said and thought some unfair things. After we left last night I spent some time reading about the Mutant situation. I wasn't expecting it to be so volatile honestly, I can see why you are scared"  
He turned to face you, sitting like you were and took your hands in his "You're one of my best friends, y/n. I'll protect you if it ever comes down to it. I promise, Doll"  
Your lips quivered and you were fighting the urge to cry. "Thank you Stevie. That means more to me than I can convey with words"

Steve cracked his mega watt smile, pulling you towards him and hugging you tight to him. It was an awkward position to be hugged in, not wholly comfortable but it was comforting none the less.  
"Buck, Sam and I are here for you and trust you. It's going to be okay, Sweetheart" he murmured into the side of your head.

Pulling back from the hug you sat back with a watery smile "I'm very lucky to have people like you in my life, Steve. So, any burning questions you have?"  
He looked thoughtful for a moment before seemingly coming to the topic he wanted to broach "Does it hurt when you regenerate?"  
"Yes, It hurts a lot. It's what I imagine the pain of healing the injury normally over time feels like but over a few seconds. I've only had to do it a few times but, regenerating my entire body. It's indescribably painful" you shuddered at the memory

"Bucky said he wanted to stay the night here because he thought you were going to run. Would you have run away?" this caused you to look away from him and be filled with shame. It was cowardly but you were planning on running, even up until the talk with Steve.

"He was right, Steve. I was going to run, I was going to take my cat and just disappear. Up until talking to you this morning and finding out you support me. I was planning on leaving." you couldn't bear to look at him, you knew his face would show how sad that made him, Steve was a very expressive man.

"Why would you just leave? Not give us a chance?" you could hear the hurt in his voice and it broke your heart. It was still impossible to look him in the face as you spoke "Fear. Fear makes you do irrational things sometimes. Fight or Flight. My brain chose flight. I'm sorry Steve."

Hearing him sigh, you looked up at him and he looked at you fondly. "It's alright, I'm not mad, I'm not. Just a little hurt but I know you didn't mean it as a personal thing. You don't have to worry anymore. I've got your back, Buck and Sam too. You can talk to us and rely on us okay?"

You nodded and smiled at him "Okay, Stevie. I will count on you guys from now on" you finished with a wink.

The two of you sat around talking for another hour or so before your stomach started to let you know it was food time. You decided to take Steve to Maggies Diner, telling him how important the place and the people are to you. He appreciated you letting him in and taking him to this place.  
He smiled as you were welcomed friendly and laughed when Maggie herself asked if the two of you were dating. You stuttered, waving your hands and denying it.  
There was a time he had wanted to be with you like that, but as time went on he realised he was really just attached to your unwavering kindness and support. He liked that you and Bucky were getting closer. He hoped one day the two of you would be together but there was no rush.

Steve, ever the gentleman walked you back to your apartment. He hugged you and left. Telling you he'd see you on monday.  
The last 24 hours had been exhausting, putting it lightly. Unlocking your saferoom you decided to check on Carnage. All the hubbub with Steve and the others had made you forget about the alien.  
It was still locked up tightly in the canister, when it felt it's eyes on you it started throwing itself against the glass.  
"I'm sorry but I have to find a way to get rid of you or at the very least make it so you cannot hurt people any more" you whispered to the alien.

After the weekend everything seemed to progress well in your day to day life. Nobody found out about you being a mutant, Bucky, Sam and Steve stayed true to their words. They seemed to be more protective over you oddly. Always checking in on you in between missions, texting you just to chat more often than they used to. Bucky was more affectionate, he would touch your arm, put his hand on your lower back and smile at you more. It was a little unnerving in the beginning but you soon grew to enjoy it and return his touches.

Winter had come, snow was beginning to fall. That meant one thing, the Christmas party was coming. You were going to be horrendously busy. You had to make sure everyone was dressed to impress. You contacted jewelers to see if they would supply jewelry for the Avengers, convincing them that it would be good advertisement as the Avengers would be rubbing elbows with rich and famous from around the world.

Organising fittings for everyone was painful. Bruce begged you to get it so he didn't have to go but in the end you convinced him to spend a couple of hours with the team. Sam loved preening like a peacock in the suit, choosing various fabrics and embellishments. He settled on a red and gold suit with a white under shirt.  
Being ever the red lover Wanda also decided on a red outfit. A floor length red sequined dress with the back cut out of it.  
Nat went with a knee length long sleeve gold sparkly dress. It was low cut enough to tease her cleavage but still be sexy.  
Thor was a joy to get fitted, he chose to have a black suit with a red undershirt. He looked every part of the god he is.  
Steve and Bucky went pretty traditional with a black suit. Steve had a red bow tie with a white undershirt.

Bucky was standing to the side, fiddling with his suit. Steve had left for lunch leaving the two of you and the tailor. "Hey, y/n. Can I ask you something?" You smiled up at him from the table you were seated at "Sure thing, James".  
"W-would you like to go to the Christmas party with me, Doll?" he asked shyly.  
Holy shit your heart started thumping hard and fast, without even thinking "Yes, fuck yes I'll go with you" realising how eager you just came across you started blushing like crazy.  
"How about we get our outfits to match, what do you say?" he grinned at you.  
"But I haven't decided what I'm going to wear yet, James!" you cried, suddenly feeling slightly overwhelmed and shy.  
Bucky hummed and looked at you up and down "how about green? It'll go great with your beautiful eyes."  
If this were a cartoon you are sure you would have had smoke coming out of your ears. Brain.exe stopped working. This was the first time Bucky had ever flirted with you. "Y-yeah okay. That sounds good"  
The two of you went over dress and suit ideas with the tailor and worked out something you were both happy with.  
Once the two of you were done, Bucky took his leave and you had to wrangle a few more of the Avengers who were being particularly scarce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the last chapter I post for a few days, I'm almost at the end of what I've written in advance.   
> How's everyone liking it so far? I would love some feedback :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Ball and Fluff!

It was the night of the Christmas party, well Christmas Ball.   
You had joined Nat and Wanda in Nat's room to prepare, you were particularly nervous for tonight and it was showing.  
"I can hear you being anxious from here, y/n" Wanda teased. You let out a anxious laugh "I usually go to these sorts of things as a work thing, rarely as a guest. I'm a little overwhelmed to be quite honest"   
Nat came over passing you a glass of wine, she smiled down at you where you sat "and I suppose it has nothing to do with you going together with Bucky?"

Downing the glass of wine in one go you barked out a rough laugh "Okay it's totally 80% that I'm going with James. Fuck. I'm so nervous. I haven't been on a date for like 6-7 years! I'm going to make a fool of myself I just know it"   
Nat chuckled, taking your empty glass from you "I have a feeling you could step on his feet as you danced together all night and he'd still look at you like you were the only woman in the room" Wanda nodded in agreement sipping at her wine.

The three of you helped each other with each other's hair and makeup, by the time it was time to get into your dresses and meet the boys you felt a little better.  
You looked at yourself in the mirror wearing your forest green ankle length dress and putting on your gold, diamond and ruby earrings, necklace and bracelet. You looked good, you felt good. You just hoped Bucky would like what he saw.  
He would be wearing a shirt matching your dress and a gold tie. Your nerves were starting to get the better of you and the girls saw.  
Nat sauntered up to you, looking like the goddess she is and handed you another glass of wine, then another to Wanda "Alright girls, another drink to calm the nerves and then we are going to knock our men off their feet with how amazing we look" as she threw her drink back. Wanda and you followed suit.

Nat and Wanda left the room and you followed behind them, trying to hide yourself. You were still anxious. You really liked Bucky but your chronic anxiety was having a field day in your head right now.  
Before you knew it the three of you were in the common room where Bruce, Bucky and Vision waited. You tunnel visioned on Bucky. He looked amazing, his long hair was slicked back and he had shaved. When your eyes met him your anxiety melted away and you smiled at each other.

Bucky walked over and stood in front of you. "Hey, Doll. You look amazing" he took your hand in his and kissed it.  
You blushed under his gaze and compliment "S-so do you, James. You're beautiful" reaching up with your hand not in his you cupped his jaw and stroked it with your thumb.   
Bucky blushed in return pressing his face into your hand.

"Come on you two" Nat called from behind the two of you. Looking up at her you saw the biggest smirk on her face. She was going to tease you later you just knew it.  
Bucky gently let go of your hand and held us arm up and smiled that beautiful smirk of his "Shall we?".  
"Yes, lets" you smiled as you took his arm.

Arriving to the ballroom was breathtaking. Tony's party planners had really outdone themselves this year. It was like a winter wonderland. There was a huge tree in the corner that reached up to the ceiling, decked out in the most beautiful red, gold and silver decorations.   
To one side was a carving station filled with roast meat, buffets of food from all around the world and an open bar.   
There were beautifully decorated tables for people to sit at, a brass band and a dj. Then the huge dancing floor that already had people dancing.

"James look they have actual food here! Not Hors d'oeuvres and finger foods. Fuck yes! Do you know how rare that is at these fancy soiree?" you whispered patting his arm.  
Bucky looked down at you fondly. He was both impressed and intimidated by the room. There was easily over 100 people here, all dressed to the 9's. Normally this wouldn't be something he would come to but he wanted to take you somewhere nice, dance with you and if he mustered the courage ask you to be his girl.

"Want a drink, Doll? Stevie told me they have some of that fancy stuff from Asgard" smiling up at him you nodded and he lead the way to the bar.  
After getting your drinks Bucky the Asgardian liquor and you a simple tequila sunrise the two of you decided to make the rounds and see your friends. 

The first you saw were Sharon and Steve. The both of them looked like god damned angelic. "y/n, Buck. Look at you two. You look great" Steve grinned and patted Bucky on the shoulder.  
"I love your dress, y/n!" Sharon gushed "I love yours too! You and Steve look so good together" you leaned in closer "I'm glad he finally got the courage to bring you to something like this" you whispered in her ear.   
She blushed, smiling shyly. "How about we go and see some of the others, Doll" Bucky spoke into your ear. You waved at Sharon and Steve.

The two of you had stopped and talked to all of your friends and coworkers. You were still anxious if you were honest. Bucky's hand came up to your cheek, stroking it softly "You alright, sweetheart?" You nodded but you could tell he wasn't very convinced.

"How about we dance? I-I honestly can't dance to save my life but I'd like to try" you said softly.   
Bucky's face cracked into the most breathtaking smile and he led you to the dance floor. Taking your left hand, he held it in his human hand, bringing your right hand up to his shoulder then placing his metal hand on your waist.   
"Don't worry, we'll take it easy" he leaned down and kissed the side of your head. you honestly couldn't find your words so you just nodded and smiled up at him.   
The two of you swayed together, staring up at each other with the goofiest smiles on your faces. Suddenly Bucky twirled you, following that with a dip. You gasped and gripped him tightly.  
He pulled you up and pulled you closer to him giving you a cheeky smile.  
"Oh my god James you scared the shit out of me!" you scolded him with no heat behind your words.  
Bucky chuckled and stroked your back with his metal hand "I'm sorry, Doll. I couldn't resist sweeping you off your feet"

You glided your hands up his chest and put them around his neck. Answering your actions Bucky put his around your waist and the two of you kept swaying together.   
The two of you were staring into each others eyes, to the two of you there was nobody else in the room. You really wanted to kiss him so bad.

Playing with the hair at the back of his neck you looked down nervously and then back up at him. "James" you whispered "Y/n" he whispered back. You bit your lip before gaining the courage to pull him down to you and pressing a chaste kiss on his lips.   
You let go of Bucky's neck so that he can pull away but he doesn't. He kisses you back. It's soft and sweet. Everything you had hoped it would be.   
Bucky finished the kiss by kissing your forehead before embracing you tightly and stroking your hair while the two of you swayed together through several slow songs.

Quietly you knew you would have Tony to thank for the music selection. There was no doubt he had been watching along with the rest of the team and anyone else that knew the two of you. You felt happy, really happy. There wasn't a time you could name since before you discovered that you were a mutant that you can remember being so happy.

You didn't know the time, nor did you really care. Bucky never left your side or his hand from somewhere above your waist. People always see Bucky as the hard Winter Solider, they focus on that part of his life and don't see Bucky. The soft James Buchanan Barnes, not many saw him. You did though. He was the sweetest thing.

The two of you chatted with your friends and coworkers some more, ate a little and drank a little more too. Right now the two of you were sitting with Sharon and Steve. The three of them were quietly talking about some mission the three of them worked on at some time. At least that's what you thought they were talking about.  
In all honesty you were starting to doze off, you had quite a few drinks probably too many and it had been a long day. One full of anxiety and happiness. Both things equally as exhausting. Your head listed towards your shoulder slightly the next time you closed your eyes. Each time you closed your eyes your head listed further before you felt yourself fall, or what to your brain thought was a fall. Gasping you sat straight up, steadying yourself.

Bucky, Sharon and Steve were now looking in your direction, but you didn't see it because you were taking off your high heels in preparation of heading to your office and sleeping on your couch there "I'ma go sleep" you mumbled stumbling to your feet. Both Bucky and Steve went to grab you as your balance faltered but they weren't needed as you righted yourself and started stumbling away. 

Steve looked at Bucky with a raised eyebrow "Shouldn't you make sure your date gets to bed safely, Buck" he finished with a wink. Steve knew his friend wouldn't try anything untoward with you but the same couldn't be said about other people wandering about the tower. Steve watched Bucky catch up with you and the two of you leave the room when Sharon spoke "They're so cute together, don't you think?".   
"I really do" Steve grinned down to her.

Bucky quickly caught up to you and started leading you to the elevator "What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't see my date to her door?. Where are you sleeping? Did you get a room from Tony?" taking your hand in his metal one.  
The two of you hadn't had another night like the one where he comforted you but he was hoping tonight that might change. He wanted to hold you in his arms again. He was thinking about ways to ask you to stay the night with him when you just came right out with it. "Can I stay with you? We can cuddle?". Bucky looked down at you fondly "You bet, Doll. FRIDAY take us to my floor please" "Yes Mr Barnes" and with that the elevator took the two of you to his floor. 

You had stumbled twice down the hall to his room on his floor. It took everything for Bucky to not sweep you up in his arms and carry you but he didn't, not this time. Bucky let you into his room, he was grateful he had tidied up his room before he met you in the common room earlier.  
After turning on a lamp he turned to you were already trying to take your dress off, being as intoxicated as you were it was proving difficult for you. He couldn't stop the smile that came across his face seeing how cute you were being. 

"Here let me help, sweetheart. Wanna wear one of my shirts?" you nodded and mumbled "blease". He settled on a soft flannel shirt then returned to you. You had your back turned to him and for that he was glad. He hoped you wouldn't notice his shaking hands when he unzipped you. Once he had unzipped the back of your dress you all but threw it off of you, falling into Bucky as you tried to step out of it. 

Bucky had never seen you this unclothed before, you were in his arms in your bra and panties. He was desperately trying not to look as he helped you into his shirt, but he couldn't help himself from gazing at your body. The swell of your breasts and the curve of your hips.   
Once in his shirt he moved to put you into the bed but you stopped him asking for water. 

Bucky stood in the kitchen of the floor he shared with Sam and Steve, gathering himself. His nerves were getting the better of him, his mind kept going over ways that he could ruin what was building between the two of you, how his past made him unworthy of you.   
But that was old Bucky. Now Bucky was more whole, had started healing and wasn't going to let his head fuck this up. 

Once he got back to his room he noticed you were struggling to take off your bracelet so he came over, kneeling in front of you and helping you take it off. After handing you the bottle of water he got for you, he went to the bathroom and changed into his own sleeping attire. Just a loose tshirt and some boxers.   
When he came out you were laying on top of the bed with your eyes closed. He stopped to admire you, how good you looked in his flannel shirt.   
"Hey, Sweetheart. You need to wake up so we can take your makeup off" you groaned, struggling to sit upright "kay.." you mumbled as he helped you off the bed and to the bathroom. He didn't have any makeup remover so you settled for soap and warm water. You made a mess of one of his face cloths and a towel but you didn't care at the time. 

With your makeup mostly off you turned to him and made grabby hands "les cuddle" you slurred out. Bucky grinned, taking your hand in his and leading you over to his bed. He climbed in before you, laying back and placing a pillow over his metal arm like you had done the other time the two of you spent the night together. Patting the bed with his human hand he beckoned you to him, you all but jumped into the bed and snuggled up to him close.

Slinging a leg over his and your arm over his middle you got comfy. Bucky's human hand came up and stroked your hair softly causing you to release a contented groan. "Thanks for taking me tonight, James" you whispered into his chest, your hand stroking up and over his chest and side.  
"Thank you for coming with me, Babydoll"  
Bucky kissed the top of your head and nuzzled into it, his human arm pulled you in closer to him. "Lets get some sleep" you were almost already asleep and let out an agreeing "hmm".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working on chapter 15 presently! Will probably post 14 tomorrow but it might take a few days for me to finish the other.


	14. Chapter 14

You awoke in the morning feeling warm and groggy. Bucky was on his back and you were almost completely on top of him. He was holding you tight to him with both his arms. You could feel your bare thighs against his, the shirt you wore had ridden up exposing your lower back and that was where one of Bucky's hands found itself now.   
You always thought it was interesting that people assumed that his metal arm was cold, it rarely was. It was as warm as he was. The fingers were often the coolest part, being further from his body. Metal is a good conductor and the heat from his body and currently your own flowed through it. 

Raising your head a little you looked at his sleeping face. His mouth was open just a little, he had soft little snores coming out of his mouth. God he's beautiful. Putting your head down you nuzzled into his chest and hugged him the best you could. You wouldn't be falling back to sleep but you were going to enjoy his closeness to you. 

It was some time later that he started to stir, his breathing deepened and his arms tightened around you a fraction. You were laying on him still, firmly in his arms. You had your eyes closed and were in a deep relaxed state, almost like meditation. He stroked your back softly with both his hands, leaning his head up to kiss your head before he settled back down. He sighed contently.

After waiting a few minutes you decided to "wake up" from your rest like state, yawning and nuzzling into him more before stretching. "Morning sweetheart" Bucky drawled in a sleepy deep voice, his accent thick and rich. "Morning James" you yawned and squirmed to try get off of him. "Where do you think you're going, Doll?" Bucky nuzzled your head and pulled you up higher so your face was just below his, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to your lips.  
You couldn't help the hum that came from your mouth and returned the kiss, the two of you giving each other soft pecks on the lips.  
"I actually really need to go to the bathroom though babe, so you're going to have to let me go" Bucky pouted and let you go "Don't worry, I'll be right back" smiling as you crawled out of bed.

As you stood you realised your underwear had ridden up your butt and you tried to discreetly dislodge it but you could feel Bucky's eyes on you as you ran to the bathroom. You sat on the toilet for a few moments, too nervous to pee. What a night and what a morning. Things were progressing with Bucky and it terrified you but at the same time it made you feel so good. Even though you were scared, you wanted more of him.

Bucky watched you all but run into the bathroom. He couldn't help but smile. You were so cute, so strong and so beautiful. He wanted to keep you with him all weekend but he knew you likely had vigilante plans. Maybe one day you would let him join you, he didn't want to step on your toes and he knew you didn't need him to protect you. He just wanted to be a part of your life, more than he currently is. The toilet flushed and a few moments later the door opened and you came out with a grin and climbed back into bed. He got up and went to use the bathroom too before hurrying back to bed with you.   
Looking at the clock he saw it was only just after 6am. You were laying on your back and smiling up at him. 

Quickly he climbed in next to you, you had rolled onto your side and were looking at him. He rolled on his side too, shuffling closer to you, his flesh hand coming up and stroking your cheek. You closed your eyes and hummed. Plucking up courage he asked a question he wanted to ask for a while "Y/n, Sweetheart. Would you be my girl?" His heart was thumping in his chest and he felt nauseous. A grin took place on your lips and you opened your yes, your e/c orbs boring into his. "I'd love to, James. I-I've never had an actual boyfriend before though. So I don't really know what to do. Does that bother you?" Your eyes were now staring at his chest and your face had turned scarlet. You were so precious, so strong yet so shy and gentle. "Why would it bother me? I want you however you come. Sweetheart, Look at me" he could tell it took effort to bring your eyes to his but, you did "You don't have to worry about that sort of thing with me, I'd never judge you and lets be honest, I've not done anything with a woman for 70 years" he smiled at you and you mirrored his smile.

Leaning in he kissed you softly on the lips, you pressed yourself into him and returned his kiss. What started as a soft gentle kiss transformed into a hungry kiss full of tongue and passion. The spell was broken however when your stomach growled loudly. "I think it's time to eat, Buck. I'm just going to run down to my office and get a change of clothes" pulling away you got out of the bed, pulling the flannel shirt down to cover you more and made your way over to pick up your dress and heels. You weren't ready to tease him with lewd thoughts so you crouched as you picked them up as to not show him your underwear "I'll be back soon, meet you in the kitchen?" Bucky got out of bed too and walked with you over to the door "Sure thing, Sweetheart" he gave you a peck on the cheek and watched you leave. 

Once in your office you started to panic. Holy shit. Holy shit!! What did you just agree to? You really liked Bucky. You've never liked anyone like this before, you always had to hide who you really were from people, so you never did anything more than casual sex. You were someones girlfriend now. For the first time in your life.   
Undressing you took Bucky's shirt off and held it up to your nose and sniffed it. It smelled of him, musky and comforting.   
You needed to talk to Wade, he's your best friend and you needed to gush about all this.  
After changing into casual clothes and packing your stuff, you shot Wade a text telling him you were going to be over later. He was most definitely asleep, but it didn't matter.  
Looking down at Bucky's shirt you stuffed it in your bag, deciding you were stealing it.

When you got to the kitchen Bucky, Sharon and Steve were there talking to each other, Bucky was blushing like crazy. Fucking cute.   
Clearing your throat you got their attention "So what's for breakfast? I don't know about you but I'm as hungry as a horse".  
Steve had a shit eating grin on his face, you knew he knew. You felt your face heat up. "Sharon and I are going to make some pancakes, you guys in?" you looked at Bucky "Fuck yeah". 

Sharon and Steve made themselves busy preparing breakfast and you climbed up on the stool next to Bucky. "Hey Doll" Bucky smiled shyly "Hey, James" you blushed taking his metal hand in yours and pulling it into your lap, knotting the fingers of one hand with his then placing your other hand on top of his and your hands. He leaned in and kissed the side of your head.

The two of you were in your own world gazing at each other, blushing and smiling. The two of you were broken out of your stupor when Sharon and Steve put the pancakes down in front of you. You unentwined your hands from Bucky's and all four of you ate and chatted.  
"Do you have any plans today, y/n? Sharon and I were going to go to the movies, maybe you and Buck could come?" Steve spoke up between mouthfuls of pancakes.  
"I wish I could Stevie, I have errands to do before Monday and like 2 weeks worth of dirty laundry to do. Because I'm Lazy" you sighed  
"That's a shame, next time?" you nodded and dug in to your food.

After the four of you finished eating you and Bucky did the cleaning up, you didn't want him to get the wrong idea and think you didn't want to spend time with him so you wanted to make sure he knew.   
You turned to him in the kitchen, boxing him in against the counter "Hey, you know I didn't turn Steve down because I didn't want to spend time with you, right?" you looked up at him as you took both his hands in your own. That cheeky smirk of his appeared on his lips "Of course, Sweetheart. I know you have responsibilities and a life outside of the tower. One day I hope you can include me in them" he took his flesh hand from yours and cupped your cheek before leaning down and kissing you. The two of you spent a few moments kissing each other softly with just a hint of tongue.   
Pulling away you blushed "well I should probably go grab my stuff and head home, want to walk me out?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a lil hard to write. I felt a bit lost on where to go for a bit. You can probably tell

By the time you had got home and put your laundry on Wade had text you asking to bring chimichangas and weed when you came over. That honestly sounded like a not bad night. Junk food, weed and your best friend. Maybe even video games too?   
As it is you really need to talk about last night with Bucky, the months of getting to know each other, the magnetic pull between the two of you. 

it was about 4pm when you arrived at Wade's place, food, weed, snacks and toiletries with you. You tried opening the door with your arms full but the door always stuck, it really needed planing or something. Using your foot you booted it open yelling a "Honey I'm home!" as you entered and kicked the door behind you.   
Wade appeared from around the corner in trackpants and a hoodie "Ooooh you bought goodies! Let me take those from you" he grinned.

The best part of your friendship with Wade was the two of you could be wholly yourselves around each other. He was confident enough around you to not cover his body and face from you. Unless he was having a particularly bad day.  
Placing the snacks and your bag down you looked around at his place, still the shithole it was when you were last here.  
Trash everywhere, dirty clothes, dirty dishes too. You needed to get in here and clean the place up again, it was starting to smell.

You could hear Wade going through something in his room, looking for something. "Aha!" he yelled from the other room. When he came in the room he was holding something behind his back "Guess what I got the other day?" you just shrugged.   
Wade pulled out from behind his back a Pokeflute bong holding it out to you with a flourish and a "Tada!!"  
Grinning you took it from him and admired it "We going to play the song of our people, Wade?" He returned your grin "You bet we are, babe!".  
Wade cleared the coffee table by pushing everything off onto the floor, you thanked whatever deities there are that there wasn't anything on there to spill. He placed all the food and drinks on the table before turning to you "What are you waiting for?! Pack that bowl like you pack heat on a Saturday night patrolling the streets!" 

The two of you now sat on the couch baked out of your brains and munching on the food. The grins plastered on his and your face were huge. You turned to Wade and started poking his cheek repeatedly to annoy him "Guess what?" you giggled.  
"What?" Wade choked around a mouth full of chimichanga.  
"I've got a boyfriend now" you were grinning and giggling so hard your face hurt, the weed you had was really happy stuff.

Wade looked at you and gasped "YOU??? You have a boyfriend?! W-What.. Since when? Who? Do I know him?"   
Laughing at his shock you replied "Yeah I know.. Me! I've never dated anyone before. It's weird" you smiled to yourself slightly lost in thoughts of Bucky.  
"Oi, y/n. Who is it?!" Wade practically begged.  
"Oh" you giggled, smiling at Wade "James Barnes. Also known as The Winter Soldier and since last night"

Wade gaped at you "He's so fucking hot! That metal arm and those thighs. Is he as buff as he looks like he is? How big is his Dick?"  
you couldn't help yourself from laughing loudly, nor could you stop yourself from having a laughing fit.  
"Oh fuck. Oh god. Wade you're so funny" you wheezed "But I've not ever seen his dick.. We only just started dating!"  
"I want to see a picture. His metal hand around his cock. Please please please y/n. He's a snack!" Wade begged.  
"Wade, what happened to Cable? Don't you have your own metal armed boyfriend? I'm not showing you James's penis. I really like him man. Like, really like him" you sighed

"Nathan is doing x-Men stuff" Wade pouted, crossing his arms like a child. "I could have gone but I didn't want to. They're boring"   
You could tell that he'd probably been told to stay behind, Nathan/Cable took his X-Force stuff seriously. He wouldn't have taken Wade's shenanigans even if he loved Wade and that brick wall of a man loved Wade even if he didn't say it with words.

"Well good thing you're here. It means I can gush to you about last night and how fucking perfect it was" you gushed as you picked up the bong and packed a fresh cone before handing it to Wade.

You awoke the next morning on Wade's couch with a dry mouth and a crick in your neck. Loud snores come from the floor, looking over the edge of the couch you saw Wade laying on the floor. His mouth wide open and deep snores, smiling you crawled off the couch making sure not to wake him.  
Checking the time it was still early morning, 6:27am. Too early to leave so you decided to clean and you knew exactly where. The kitchen.  
All the cleaning products you had given him were all still under the sink collecting dust. First step was getting rid of the trash, in one of the kitchen drawers you found the trash bags you left last time.

By the time you had finished the kitchen was gleaming, too bad it wouldn't stay that way for long. Back on the floor Wade was still asleep a grin crossed your face and you kneeled above his head. Bringing both hands to his cheeks you slapped his face before booming "Wake up beautiful!" he screamed and shot upwards grabbing a knife from under the couch cushions.  
You however were giggling like mad and he turned to you with a scowl "you're mean!" he sulked.  
"I just wanted to let you know I'm heading home, also I cleaned your kitchen" smiling as you booped his nose.  
"Already? Fine but next time I'm coming to yours and we're having an entire weekend sleepover!" he whined.  
"You got a deal my cute little flesh coloured avocado" kissing his cheek and leaving.

When you got back to your apartment you checked your phone and there was a text from Bucky wishing you a good morning. You smiled and told him that you just got home from Wade's.   
Laying on your bed petting your cat you were both startled by your phone ringing. It was Bucky and that brought a smile to your face.   
"Hey James" you greeted as you answered the call.  
"Hey Doll. How are you?" he asked.  
"I'm good. Real good now I'm talking to you" you blushed as you spoke. Bucky chuckled "Me too. I missed you."

The two of you spent hours on the phone just chatting about nothing in particular. The giddy feeling he gave you just by being in your life like this was something you weren't used to. It felt nice but scary at the same time. You needed to talk to someone about how you were feeling. Your therapist maybe?

By the time the two of you got off of the phone you had both agreed to meet for lunch at work the next day. You were going to make something and bring it for the two of you. You were excited for it.

It had been a few days since you'd been out on patrol so you knew you really should tonight. You suited up, fed your cat and had a snack while you waited for the sun to go down and darkness to arrive.  
There wasn't any set route tonight or place in particular you wanted to patrol so you stuck to one of the club districts keeping an eye on people from the roofs and the shadows. Everything was pretty quiet tonight, at least where you were. There were a few mugging attempts which you foiled rather easily with a fist to the muggers face. All except one.  
Turns out he was a mutant.

His skin turned to rock and sharp rock spikes grew out of his rocky skin. Well that was unexpected, maybe you can talk him out of this.  
"Get out of here!" you yelled at his would be victim and they didn't need to be told twice.  
He advanced on you during your slight distraction, tackling you to the ground. His spikes dug in deep through your armor and skin causing you to cry out. Pushing him off you he went flying into the wall at the back of the alley, several of his spikes breaking off.   
"STOP!" you yelled "I don't want to hurt you, don't make me"

He watched your wounds close up with shock and awe on his face "You're a mutant too" he whispered. Scrambling up and pressing up against the wall his rock skin thickened and cowered. Your heart ached looking at him so scared.  
"Hey, hey. Calm down I'm not going to hurt you, Sweetheart. I promise" you put your hands up hoping to placate him some.  
"I just need to know why you are mugging people. Do you need money? Shelter? A job?" you asked trying to make yourself as unassuming as possible.

"Why do you care?!" he demanded angrily kicking a trashcan.  
"Because I know what it's like to struggle, to go hungry, to have nowhere warm or dry to sleep. If you let me, I can help." you offered calmly.  
"I don't need your help! I don't need help from anyone! Just leave me alone!" he all but screamed at you.  
"Look dude, I cant leave you be if you're just going to go back out there and hurt innocent people! Work with me here please." you implored essentially begging the young man.

He sunk to the ground "I need money for drugs. I'm an addict, what can you do about that? Rehab? It never works" tears streaming down his cheeks.  
Sitting down beside the young man you watched him for a few moments "Do you want to get clean? Like actually get clean and sober?" you asked softly.  
"Y-yes. I'm miserable.. I h-have nothing anymore" he sobbed 

"What's your name?" patting his shoulder as you asked.  
"Kerran" he sniffled.  
"What if I told you I can get you into rehab right now, tonight. Especially for mutants struggling like yourself?" you offered looking at him softly.  
"H-how?" he asked not really believing you.  
"Lets just say I have a lot of money and a lot of connections. I donate money regularly secretly to mutant help groups" smiling as you said it.  
"Why would you do that? Who would help mutants" he whispered softly

"Other mutants, if we don't help each other nobody else will. It's a harsh world out here for us. Some worse than others. As for me.. Well I want to help my people" sighing dejectedly you continued "My own parents abandoned me as a child because of my mutations, I grew up on these very streets. With the help of good people and the willingness to have a better life my hard work paid off"  
Kerran hummed "You can really get me into rehab tonight?"  
"I can. The question is do you want to go? Can you be strong enough to beat your addiction?" you stood and offered him your hand.  
"I do. I really do" he took your hand and stood with you.  
"Then lets go" you said leading him away.

By the time you got home it was almost 5am. There would be enough time for a cat nap if you made the lunches now.  
Making simple meat and salad sandwiches with some chocolate brownies you had in the freezers for snacks.   
Once that was done you laid on your bed, setting your alarm for an hour. With a sigh you drifted off excited for your lunch date with Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already started the next chapter. So another few days maybe? I've got a date for them to go on planned in my head, just got to get it out.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky got injured on a mission and then some fluff

Lunch with Bucky had been good, He was radiant and happy. It made you happy in return.   
He, Steve and Wanda were going on a mission and would be away a few weeks. When you were seeing him off he bid you farewell with a kiss, a long hug and a promise of a date when they returned.

Two and a half weeks had passed they had left and you were missing them all. They were all but radio silent. You'd had a text from Bucky saying he missed you and another from Steve letting you know everything was going to plan. 

It was Friday and you were getting ready to leave work early to go to your therapist, as you were walking out of the building you saw the quinjet coming in for a landing at the top of the tower. Looking at your watch you didn't have much time to get to your appointment so you text Bucky that you'd come back afterwards.

The hour long session with your therapist was good. You talked a lot about your anxiety in the relationship. Your therapist said you should share your feelings with Bucky, not hide them from him. That it would be better for you in the long run.  
Checking your phone on the way out you saw several texts from Steve and one from Bucky. Checking the one from Bucky your heart fell slightly, he said he was tired just wanted to sleep and not to come see him tonight.   
Tears welled up in your eyes as you walked out onto the street, you felt a little hurt.   
Reading Steve's messages he told you that Bucky had been injured, nothing hugely serious but he had broken his arm, his flesh and bone arm.  
He also said if Bucky told you not to come and see him not to listen and to come anyway.

Smiling at your messages from Steve you decided to do just that. You were still slightly worried none the less. You know he probably did something selfless to get injured.   
Once you got back to the tower and into the elevator you asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to take you to where Bucky was.   
He was still in the med bay so she took you to that floor.  
Waiting in the waiting room looking a little worse for wear was Steve, when he saw you he stood up with a smile on his face. Pulling you into a hug and whispering into the top of your head "Don't worry hes okay. The break will heal in a week or two"

Smiling up at Steve you pulled out of the hug "Let me guess he was doing something selfless and helping someone?"  
Steve laughed "How'd you guess?"  
"Well he's your best friend for one, you are both selfless as each other. Lastly hes a good man with a big heart" you smiled as you spoke.

Steve put his arm around your shoulder "You're not wrong there. How about we go see him? He should be getting the cast on now"  
Walking into the med bay room with Steve the two of you saw Bucky getting a cast put on, he hadn't seen the two of you.  
"Hey punk you've got a visitor" Steve called as he gently nudged you into Bucky's direction

He was sitting back on a hospital bed with his arm in a splint waiting to get his cast on looking sorry for himself. When he heard Steve and saw you he scowled at Steve. Bucky didn't want you to see him all bloodied, dirty and grumpy. That's why he text you earlier.  
Seeing you now he is glad you are here.  
Meeting your eyes causes him to smile, he'd missed you a lot. "Hey, Doll." he spoke softly.  
Walking over to him you stood on the side with the metal arm before leaning over and pressing a kiss on his cheek "Hey old man. I heard you had a fall" 

Bucky sighed looking almost annoyed "Not you too. Sam said similar before" but he leaned in and kissed you softly on the lips "But I'll forgive you doll, I missed you"  
Blushing you smiled, placing your hand on the side of his face and pulling his lips back to yours. "I missed you too" you whispered "I was a bit sad when you said you didn't want to see me but I'm glad Steve convinced me to come here"

The both of you looked to Steve but he had left but the two of you had no idea when, far too absorbed in each other. Bucky kissed your head and stroked your back gently "I'm sorry I made you sad, Sweetheart" he muttered before pressing another kiss to your head.  
"I under stand now. It's okay"

Not long after two nurses come in and put Bucky's cast on. He wouldn't have to have it on longer than 2 weeks max, thanks to that super soldier healing. Once everything was set and he was allowed to go you asked him if he had eaten yet and he hadn't. You asked him to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y to order them some Pizza and to ask Steve if he wanted to add his own order onto it.   
Once the Pizza arrived you were glad you chose it. It was easy to eat one handed which is what you wanted.

Bucky sighed happily as he ate his food. Good pizza and a night with his best girl. What more could he want? Very little if he was honest. Both arms to hold his girl was about all that could make this better.  
"Feeling better?" you asked him as you brushed a strand of hair out of his face.  
"Much better. Would you stay the night, Doll? I missed you" he asked looking at you with those baby blues.

Sighing dramatically, unable to keep a grin from your face you replied jokingly "Oh, I dunno James.. Hmmm" you put your thumb and forefinger on your chin making the thinking emote face.  
Bucky pouted at you "Of course I will. You couldn't make me go home if you tried" standing you came closer to him, taking his face in his hands and kissing him softly.  
Bucky's metal arm came to rest on your back and he pulled you in closer. He nuzzled into your stomach before taking a deep breath of your scent and hugged you the best he could with one arm in a sling.   
Bucky sighed contentedly "I mean it, I missed you, Doll"  
You took to stroking his head and gently running the tips of your fingers over his neck and shoulders, causing him to relax even further into you "feels so good" he mumbled into your stomach with a deep sigh.

Pulling back and looking at Bucky he had a sleepy smile on his face "How about we get you all cleaned up and into your pjs, hmm?" your hands coming to rest on his cheeks, thumbs stroking gently.  
Bucky nodded, opening his eyes giving you a tired smile.   
"Good, Let me just grab a roll of cling wrap so we can wrap your arm in it when you shower" 

Taking his metal hand in yours the two of you made your way to his room, once inside his room he pulled you back to him and kissed you softly. Bucky brought his hand up to your face and stroked your cheek fondly.  
"Come on, Babe lets get you clean and comfy" you murmured against his lips. He agreed with a tired hum.

"Which drawers are your pjs in, James?" you asked looking back at him to see him staring at you fondly.  
"Let me, do you need a shirt to sleep in too, Doll?" he asked quietly. You nodded and smiled, taking the garments from him, putting his in the bathroom and leaving the flannel shirt for you on the bed.   
Taking him to the bathroom you took the cling wrap and started to wrap plenty around his cast so that it wouldn't get wet, then turning on the shower so that it could warm up.

"You going to be alright in here? Or do you.. want me to join you?" you asked while you blushed deep red.  
Bucky chuckled and kissed your forehead "I'd love you to join me when I can use both my arms, Doll". He smiled a cheeky smile.  
You helped him out of his combat gear leaving him in just his underwear before removing yourself from the room while blushing like mad.

Back in Bucky's bedroom you went over to the bed to get dressed for bed. Another flannel shirt, this one blue. Maybe he likes you in these?  
For some reason you felt bold and decided to forgo any underwear. Then you crawled under the covers and put Netflix on while you waited for Bucky.

Back in the bathroom Bucky was stuck in thoughts about you. He couldn't wait to cuddle up with you and watch something on the tv.   
Looking at his cling wrapped arm he was slightly disappointed in himself, he had wanted to take you out tonight. Dinner and dancing. Maybe a walk. Sighing he removed his underwear and climbed under the warm water, making sure no water was getting into the cast he started washing himself.

Even though he was disappointed that he was injured this badly, he was glad he got to spend the night by your side anyway.  
Getting dry, dressed and back in his sling was more of a challenge than he would admit to anybody but himself.  
When he left the bathroom he saw you sitting against the headboard dressed in the shirt he left out for you.   
He decided after seeing you in his flannel shirt that first time that he loved seeing you in them.  
He stayed regarding you for some time before you noticed and smiled at him beckoning him over to you.  
With crooked smile he joined you in the bed, letting you fuss over him and making him comfortable as he sat against the headbooard.  
"Hey, Doll. What are we watching?" he asked as he put his metal arm around your waist and pulled you closer.  
"Hmm. How do you feel Cupcake Wars?" you asked  
"What's that?" he asked confused.  
"Basically a bunch of bakers compete in making cupcakes and they win a prize" you explained "It's not violent or anything. I just figured that seeing as you like The Great British Bake Off that you might enjoy it" shrugging a little   
Bucky smiled, nuzzling your head before pressing a kiss to your head "Sounds good, Sweetheart"

A few hours later and Bucky was asleep with his head in your lap. You weren't tired yet so you kept watching cooking shows while gently stroking your fingers through his hair.   
Seeing him so relaxed fills you with joy, hearing him talk about his struggles and fears, then seeing him face it all makes you so proud.  
You are so lucky to have him in your life were the last thoughts on your mind before you slipped off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the fluff.  
> I'm not sure how long it will take me to do another chapter.. 3-5 days I'm hoping.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more fluff because I'm really depressed right now and need fluff in my life.

Bucky was roused from his sleep by the stroking of his hair, opening his eyes he found himself laying on his back, his head on your lap and his body between your legs.   
You were smiling down at him and whispered a good morning to him.   
Bucky tried to roll over forgetting for a moment he had his arm in a cast, groaning in pain as he put weight on it before falling back on you "Sorry" he mumbled.  
"It's okay, babe" you whispered leaning down to kiss him.   
Bucky grinned into your kiss bringing his metal hand up to cup your face and hold you there causing you to smile into the kiss as well.

You pulled away, booping his nose "As much as I really, really want to spend all day in bed with you, I have to work".  
Bucky frowned "Take the day off" he pleaded.  
"I can't baby. But it's only a half day, being Saturday and all. After work I'll go get some clean clothes, feed the cat and come back, yeah?" you promised as you stroked his cheeks.

Without waiting for an answer you put your arms under his and hoisted him to a sitting position. Bucky gasped "Jesus christ" he turned to look at you "I forgot you're really strong, Doll."  
You rolled out of bed and stretched your back, causing a loud crack to be heard. Turning to Bucky you giggled "That's nothing, I'll show you some day" before leaning in to kiss him and heading into the bathroom to get freshened up and dressed for the day.

When you came back into the room Bucky was struggling to get a t-shirt over his arm in the sling "Here let me help" you offered. Bucky grimaced and admitted defeat.  
You untied the sling gently, holding his broken arm and slotting it through the sleeve of the shirt. Once it was on you tied the sling back and looked up at Bucky. His brows were furrowed but he was staring at you fondly.

Taking his face in your hands you leaned up on your tippy toes and kissed him lovingly. He groaned into the kiss, pulling you too him and deepening the kiss. When the both of you came up for air, you took the chance to pull out of his embrace.   
"I'll see you this afternoon, 3-4pm" you smiled, kissing his cheek and leaving for your office.

You were sitting in your office eating the overnight oats you had in the small fridge you kept in your office when there was a knock on the door. Nat and Wanda were standing there with coffees and brown paper bags with what could only be baked goods.  
"Hey girls, what are you doing here?" you questioned. Knowing they were here for gossip.  
Nat grinned that sly knowing grin she does "We came to gossip, you know the usual"   
Wanda giggled "We want to hear about you and James!"

Coffee and muffins in hand Nat was the first to strike "So, how are things with the two of you?"  
You hummed "Good, I mean its been what.. barely 3 weeks since we started dating and most of that time he was on a mission" taking a sip of your drink you continued "I'm anxious to be honest. I've never had a boyfriend before, I don't know what I'm doing" you sighed dejectedly.  
"WAIT WHAT?!" Nat asked shocked. Wanda followed asking "You've never had a boyfriend? What about a girlfriend?" you shook your head.  
"Are you a virgin?" Nat asked, seemingly baffled.  
A barking laugh left your mouth and you shook your head "No no no no noooo. I'm not. I've just never been in a committed relationship before and I'm high key freaking out now that we are talking about it" 

You hid your face in your hands "I'm scared, honestly. Not of him! Definitely not of him." you whined.  
"What are you scared of? Getting your heart broken?" Nat asked softly, softer than you'd expected from her.  
"I guess. Maybe more my parents abandoning me. I don't know" sighing you rested your head on your desk  
"You should talk to Bucky about it" Wanda added. Nat voiced her agreement to that.  
The three of you finished your coffee break and you got back to work, by 12:37 you had finished. While you waited for your computer to shut down you text Bucky and let him know that you were about to leave.

Moments after you sent the message he called you, smiling you answered "What's cookin' good lookin'" you joked.  
Bucky chuckled "Do you mind if I come with you? I want to get out of the tower and spendmoretimewithyou" he rushed the last part. It was cute.  
"Sure thing, Babe. I'll meet you down stairs? Want to walk to uber?" you asked  
He hummed "I'll call an uber on my way down to meet you, see you soon, Doll"

The uber pulled up outside your apartment, you paid them then lead Bucky upstairs and inside. As per usual you could hear your cat through the door as you went to unlock it. You felt bad, he probably ate all his food over night.  
Scooping your cat up in your arms and ushered Bucky in.

"Make yourself at home, James. I'm going to make a cup of tea and feed this one, do you want a cup?" you offered as you put the cat down and started to pour a hefty serving into his bowl and giving him fresh water.  
"Sure thing, Sweetheart" he smiled, sitting on a stool at the breakfast bar, watching you fuss over the cat and put the kettle on.

"So.. do you still want me to stay with you tonight?" you asked turning to him.  
Bucky nodded "Of course but.. you don't have to if you don't want to" he looked down at his leather gloved metal hand on the counter.  
"Hey" you leaned over the counter taking his hand in both of yours "Of course I do"  
He cleared his throat "It's just.. I might have overheard You, Nat and Wanda earlier today. I-I don't want to pressure you into anything" Bucky looked up at you with watery eyes "I don't want to scare you away, Doll" he whispered as he finished talking.

Your heart ached, you weren't sure if it was anxiety or sadness at seeing him like this. Either way you rounded the counter coming behind him and wrapping your arms around him, resting your face on his back and your hands on his chest.  
"I'm so sorry Buck. I'm sorry I'm so scared and broken" your emotions welled up and you started to cry.   
Bucky turned in your arms, climbing off the stool. You clinged to him tighter, feeling yourself panicking at at his silence.  
"You're not broken anymore, y/n. Just like me. We have our cracks where some of the breaks show through but look at us. Look at you, how far you've come. It's okay to be scared, sweetheart"   
Bucky kissed the top of your head "I'm scared too, you know? Scared you'll leave me for someone better. Scared something will take you away from me and I'll never get to see that breath taking smile or those beautiful eyes again"

Looking up at him with your watery eyes you see his eyes just as watery. It was like someone had your heart in a vice. You didn't like seeing him so sad because of you.  
Unwrapping your arms from him your hands found his face, you stood on your tippy toes, he put his arm around your waist, his head leaning down to meet your lips and the two of you kissed.  
You whispered hushed apologies against his lips.

How was it that you were falling in love with Bucky and you had only known him for about a year now? It was intense but you didn't hate it. It made you more comfortable to know it wasn't just you feeling anxious about the relationship.   
You hoped with time things would be easier for the two of you.

Pulling out of Bucky's embrace you excused yourself to pack a bag with over night stuff and a few things to leave at the tower for when you stayed over with Bucky. Once packed and changed into casual clothes you placed your bag by the door, looking for Bucky and seeing him sitting on the couch whispering sweet things to your cat.   
Leaving them to what they were doing you went into the kitchen and looked for your timed cat feeder. You had felt bad leaving the cat without food over night so you put it on the ground, plugged it into the power and set it for 8 hours.   
You luckily had a water fountain you had been meaning to set up for the cat too, so you did that.   
Your cat ran up to you and started meowing loudly trying to get in the way of what you were doing.  
"What are those?" you heard Bucky ask from behind you.  
"These? It's an automatic cat feeder and a water fountain. I've been meaning to set them up for a while but, I didn't have an excuse to.. Until now" you answered with a shrug.  
Bucky smiled and bent down to pet the cat.

Once everything for the cat was set up you called an uber to pick the two of you up and the two of you headed back to the tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda struggling with writing atm. I'm having some depression problems and.. I'm not doing so hot but I'm trying to write a little bit each day if I can. Sorry for the hold up if you are following this. I'm hoping to have some more interesting things to follow, I've been day dreaming about ideas on where to go from here. It's just about getting it into word form I suppose.  
> Thanks for bearing with me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chinese food and smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! It's been a long time and I'm REALLY sorry about it. This year has been rough for us all and suffering already crippling anxiety and depression I found it impossible to do much more than simply exist.   
> Recently I've been FEELING like i owe it to you all to finish this story and move it along. For the first time in this entire year that sentiment doesn't fill me with dread, instead im excited for it.
> 
> I might be a tad bit rusty in the writing but i hope you guys like this chapter. Thank you for sticking with me and all the lovely supportive comments!

It had been two weeks since Bucky had broken his arm and now it was time for the cast to come off. To say he was itching for it to come off was both figurative and literal. You had seen him several times using chopsticks, pens and such trying to scratch an itch under the cast.  
It was always quite amusing to watch, he would sit there with his tongue between his lips trying to reach an itch.  
To say you hadn't laughed at him more than once would be a lie because you had.

"Once I get this cast off I'm taking you on a proper date, Doll" he promised as he sat in your office on the couch waiting for his appointment to get the cast off.  
You hummed, trying not to get too distracted from your work.   
International Woman's Week was coming up and you had a few functions to set up for Nat and Wanda. Little girls out there needed to see that women can be strong, tough and anything they want to be.

Looking up at Bucky you saw him watching you causing you to blush.  
"Do you know where we're going to go for our date?" you asked, giving him a sweet smile.  
Smirking he laid back on the couch, putting his metal hand behind his head and closing his eyes "Sure do, Sweetheart. I've had plenty of time to work it all out"  
Saving your work on the computer as you saw the time, it was close to getting the cast off and Bucky wanted you to come with him. You would come back later to finish up.

"Come on, James its time to make our way to medical to get your arm free" you said as you reached down and stroked his stubbly cheek.  
Bucky hummed as he sat up and stood. He took your hand in his metal hand and the two of you made your way to the medical bay.  
His hand was warm, warmed by his body it always felt warm in your hand.  
"So, what's the first thing you're going to do when you get your cast off?" you asked   
Bucky brought your hand to his lips and kissed it "Well I want a proper shower, one where I don't have to worry about getting water into this thing" he sighed shaking his human arm around  
You giggled at him "Yeah that actually sounds pretty nice, not going to lie"

Once the two of you were in the elevator he pulled you in close to him, putting his arm around your waist before leaning in to whisper in your ear "I cant wait to be able to hold my girl with both my hands again" finishing with a kiss to your head.

The cast came off easily, He had healed perfectly. Bucky left to shower and you went to go finish up your work for the day. The two of you agreed to meet after work, get chinese takeaways and go to your place for the night.  
Bucky had a few things at your apartment for staying over. During the two weeks he had his cast on he had stayed over at your place a few times.  
The both of you had decided to leave pajamas and toiletries at each others places. Though Bucky always managed to "Convince" you to wear one of his shirts to bed instead whenever you stayed over at his place.

The two of you sat in comfortable silence watching the cooking channel as the two of you ate the greasy Chinese food. Once the two of you had finished eating you both tidied up and changed into more comfortable clothing.  
You changed into a tank top and pj shorts with cats on them, Bucky into dark blue plaid pj pants and a plain black t shirt.

When you returned to the lounge Bucky was already waiting for you, he greeted you with a smile. As you moved to sit next to him he pulled you into his lap and moving you in between his legs before leaning down to kiss your shoulder and putting his arms around you gently.   
As the night progressed Bucky's hands had begun to wander. It started with him stroking your arms, holding your hands, running his hands up and down your side with his thumbs lightly grazing the side of your clothed breasts.

Feeling bold you took his hands in yours, running them up your stomach and placing them on your breasts. Bucky groaned and whispered your name into your hair. Your nipples pebbled under his hands as he gently squeezed your breasts earning a contented sigh from you. Feeling emboldened himself Bucky cupped your breasts through your tank top and softly ran his index fingers over your nipples causing them to harden further.  
You sighed and moaned his name, leaning back into him. Bucky took each of your nipples between his thumb and forefinger and tweaked them before twisting them gently back and forward causing you to moan louder than before and arched your back against him.   
Still playing with your nipples covered with your tank top Bucky leaned down and started kissing your shoulder and up your neck to your ear before huskily whispering "Does my pretty girl like that? Like her nipples being played with?" in your ear.

His words and actions caused you to groan, your hips bucking as you replied a throaty "yes" to his question. Bucky put his arms around your waist, lifting you up a little, placing a cushion on his lap and pulling you into his lap properly. Here he didn't have to lean down so far to get to your neck, taking advantage of that he started to kiss and suck on your neck before pulling your top up to under your chin and taking your bare breasts into his hands.  
Resting his chin on your shoulder he admired your breasts in his hands running his fingers over the hardened nubs again, this time being on bare flesh it felt even better and you whined moaning out his name.

Chuckling at your reactions Bucky started to play with your nipples again. Pinching them, pulling them, twisting them and stroking them at varying pressure. After a few minutes your moans we louder and you couldn't stop your hips from rocking in his lap "B-Buckyyy.. please I cant take anymore" you whined.   
"Hmmm? What does my pretty girl need? She doesn't want me to play with her pretty little nipples anymore?" he all but moaned in your ear before nibbling on your neck.  
"I need you baby please" you whined loudly.  
Bucky hummed moving to kiss the opposite side of your neck "Lets see if my girl is ready for me shall we?". Bucky's hands moved from your breasts down to the draw string of your sleeping shorts, he undid them and slid them over your hips and down past your knees. He moved his hands back up your thighs stroking them as he went.  
Taking his flesh hand he moved it between your legs, using one finger to run along your wet folds and collect some of your wetness on his finger. The both of you moaned in unison, your hands gripping to his forearms as he continued to stroke your outer lips softly.   
"Is all this for me y/n? Just from me playing with those pretty little nipples of yours" Bucky groaned in your ear. 

Panting you muttered a weak yes to his question. Bucky brought his finger up to his mouth and took it into his mouth, sucking on it. It sounded obscene to your ears but it was the single most erotic thing you could think of at this moment.   
"You taste so sweet, Doll" he kissed your shoulder again, his hand dipping between your legs again. This time his middle finger delved slightly deeper found your clit causing your legs to clench around his hand slightly, he began by running his finger up and down from your clit to your entrance, stopping at each one to tease them lightly.  
"Buck please! No more teasing" you cried in desperation writhing as his metal arm tightened around your waist slightly.  
"Sorry, Doll. I just loved all those sweet noises you were makin' for me" he chuckled in your ear as he resumed kissing your neck and his fore finger joined his middle finger as he gathered your slick and started to circle your clit with them more firmly than he had been touching you before. To break up movement against your clit he opened his two fingers slightly, just enough to fit your swollen clit between them as he rubbed you before going back to using the tips of his fingers to rub at your clit.

You couldn't stop your hips from canting upwards as Bucky played you like an instrument he had known all his life. It didn't take long for you to feel your peak build, your breathing getting heavier and your moans raising in pitch.   
"That's it Babygirl, cum for me" he groaned in your ear.  
And you did, you came hard. Harder than you had expected, your body going rigid as you came and he stroked you through it. You were lost in Bucky's praises and the flood of endorphins from your orgasm, your body relaxing back against him. You barely registered him licking his fingers clean and turning your head gently to him and kissing you.  
"Fuck" you breathed out as your head cleared meeting his kiss, enjoying your taste on his lips as the two of you kissed deeply.

You pulled from Bucky's lips and looked up to him adoringly, his own face mirroring your sentiment mixed with hunger "Take me to bed, James. I need you".  
Bucky stood, turning you in his arms, lifting you and wrapping your legs around his waist. You could feel his hardness pressing against your core through his sweats "For you, Doll. Anything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plan is to add more to this story sooner than later. With my current mood im hoping to get this thing actually finished in a few more chapters.


End file.
